A Beautiful Lie
by BeautifulDisaster27
Summary: Read to find out. Rated T for now, but that might change. Goes with the song "A Beautiful Lie" by 30 Seconds To Mars.
1. A Sketch In Black And White

**Working on this with ZephyrHearts her stories are amazing and I'm lucky to have her helping me with this one :) **

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Time goes by ticking like grains of sand falling in an hour glass. Seconds turning into minutes, minutes turning into hours, hours turning into days and all I can do is lie here looking at my clock. It's two o'clock A.M. and I have four hours before it's time to wake up. I lift my right arm, pull down my sleeve and revealed the small cuts that I have made. I ghost my fingers over them letting me know I wasn't dreaming that my life is in fact real. That the past, no matter how bad, was indeed my reality. I covered up my arm and drifted off to sleep.

The next morning, I woke up with just enough time to get ready for school. I put on a long sleeve pink shirt with a big purple flower on it and some skinny jeans. I throw my backpack over my shoulder, and grabbed my purse that I've always kept by my bedroom door.

"I'm off to school." I said to my parents as I grabbed a piece of toast and put it in my mouth.

I held the toast between my teeth while I opened the door with one hand and put the other strap to my backpack on with my other hand. I continued to eat it as I got outside.

"Clare we need to talk" My mother yelled to me as I walked off to school.

"No we don't mom." I retorted while I turned around to face her and walked backwards.

"Yes, we do! The discussion from last night isn't over."

I put the toast in my mouth again and threw my hands up as I turned around and continued to walk. The weather was rather warm to wear a long sleeve shirt, but it hid the scars well. It's mid-September and school as usual is going to suck. I can just tell by instinct. I finished off my toast and walked inside Degrassi Community School, my double life, my escape from home.

The school was full of people wandering around the halls aimlessly as they tried to make their way to their destination. Mine was my locker at which Alli stood.

"So Clare, another long sleeve shirt, you do know it's a little warm to be wearing long sleeved shirts?"

I wanted to tell her to shut up, that she shouldn't be stating the obvious.

"Yea why?" I finally responded.

"You've worn them for almost a year! At least promise me you'll wear a short sleeve shirt tomorrow."

I thought about it for a little.

"Promise." I stated.

Alli's heels clacked on the ground as I entered the combo to my locker, to my excitement she moved on the other side of me and leaned up against the one next to mine. Her black hair was straightened and she wore a bright blue mini skirt, bright pink top, and short sleeve denim jean jacket. I looked at her shoes and they were bright pink four inch heels.

"Alli how can you walk in those?"

Alli just shrugged her shoulders as I threw my books in my locker.

"So gym later do I get to see you in short sleeves for once?"

"No Alli I love long sleeves remember?"

"I know I just don't know why you've been like this for a year, yet every time I used to check your arms for lacerations or something there's nothing there. I don't know what's with you and those shirts."

"Alli they're just comfortable." I responded, getting a little bit annoyed.

I'm so happy that my parents decided to punish me during the summer by taking away all my shirts leaving me with long sleeves in which I never really pulled the sleeves up for some reason, but I'm glad I didn't or Alli would assume something. I've been cutting for about three weeks now and no one knows anything.

"Ok well Clare the bell's about to ring I got to get to class"

I waved goodbye to Alli as I shut my locker and made my way to English. There was some kid sitting in the seat in front of me and someone next to me. I ignored it and took my seat behind the boy in front of me.

I watched the clock tick and got bored waiting for the bell to ring especially since it meant having time to think. I hate thinking, it's not like it takes too much time or anything, but my thoughts always come back on home, what was going on at home, if my parents were going to be home when I got there and they normally were, what would they tell me. I really need to break my thoughts before something happens.

Finally the bell rang breaking me out of my thought process.

"Well since we have a few new students, I'm giving an assignment; you'll be partnered up as a set of two for easy assignments and in sets of three since we have thirty students."

Mrs. Dawes announced as she sat on her desk

Just what I need more people nagging about why I wear long sleeves all the time like it's any of their business. I looked down at my arm and tugged on the hem of my sleeve wanting to pass the time away by cutting, only I'm unable to, just one small flow of blood running down my sleeve would help so much right now. I inhaled deeply and then exhaled as I closed my eyes.

You're ok.

You're ok.

Everything's better.

Everything's ok.

I opened my eyes and let out a cold breath of air to see dark green eyes staring back at me.

I looked at my arm, my sleeve slightly raised out of anyone's view and a slight mark

placed on my wrist from my thumb nail.

"You must be Clare," The boy with the green eyes said. "I'm Eli, your partner."

"Clare." I responded softly.

"Good now that we got that out of the way how about we work on our assignment."

"What assignment? I wasn't paying attention."

Eli rolled his eyes he looked sort of mad at me for some reason. I guess I have that effect on people I get everyone mad at me some way or another.

"We have to write a short story about nothing in particular it has to be five hundred words minimum." He sighed.

"Mrs. Dawes why don't you just give us a topic rather than letting us choose one?" I asked.

"Because letting you choose one shows that you're working together"

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

"It's got to be something real, something that a lot of kids can relate to."

"Suicide?" I mumbled.

"Suicide? Not what I was thinking I don't really see a challenge in it."

"There's a challenge in everything whether or not you want to find it is in you, take living

for instance, what's the challenge in that? Dealing with everyday obstacles, Abuse, the challenge is overcoming it and learning to bear through it, drugs the challenge is stopping-"

"Ok I get it everything has a challenge, but if you're so smart what's the challenge in suicide?"

"Simple, how many people have died from it, what do the statistics show, what makes someone go to those extreme measures?" I asked.

"Fine we'll go with suicide." Eli said in defeat.

"Good because I bet morbidity is right up your alley." I stated after taking note in Eli's attire, which was all black.

Eli rolled his eyes.

"Do you know any statistics?"

"Every eighteen seconds someone in this world dies of a suicide attempt. Just think how many people die in this world as the clock ticks down till the end of the day."

"You're really morbid you know that?"

"Only when I want to be."

Eli looked at me his eyes fixated on me as I wrote I kept my left hand against my stomach as if I were afraid for anyone to notice. I looked at Eli through my bangs once in a while to see if he was staring or something and most of the time he wasn't. Once Eli and I wrote down our points of view we began to write the actual paper. To my surprise, it didn't take long to finish at all.

"Ok kids not that there's twenty minutes left of class and everyone knows their partners, I want you all to get in your groups of three."

Great. Just great I don't know who my new partners are.

"Hi, um I'm Adam. I'm going to be working with you and Eli."

I looked over to see a boy with a bright smile plastered on his face.

"I'm Clare."

I looked over to Eli who smiled at Adam like actually genuinely smiled. I remembered back to my childhood when my mom and dad used to smile at me like that and their faces would light up, but now when they smile at me it's like they're forcing themselves to.

"So, Clare have you attended another high school other than Degrassi?" Adam asked

"Nope just Degrassi."

"Oh, that's cool. Eli and I just transferred into this class." Adam stated.

"I only have Alli and she's only in about two of my classes." I said solemnly.

"Well now you have Eli and I." Adam chimed.

I smiled faintly at Adam, it was genuine, but faint I can't remember the last time I smiled genuinely at someone and I like how it feel.

"Wow you do smile" Eli chuckled.

"What you don't smile?" Adam said in shock

"Not until you came along." Eli stated.

"I don't smile much." I stated and I don't really smile. To me there's really no need to, but I like the way it feels to genuinely smile at someone.

"So Clare would you believe Eli once wore pink?" Adam stated

I giggled a little at the thought.

"Wow you giggle too?" Eli questioned, faking surprise; a smile on his face.

"Only because I couldn't help it, the image of you in pink Eli, is funny."

"Yea well I lost a bet."

"Must be some bet, so how long have you and Adam known each other?"

The two guys looked at each other for a little.

"A few years" Adam stated.

The bell rang and everyone left the room. It's off to art for me.

Once inside the class room I sat on the stool in front of my easel. Moments later the classroom filled up with students and the bell rang.

"Ok everyone take a stool and close your eyes."

I looked around and everyone's eyes were closed so I obeyed and closed mine.

"Imagine something that gives you peace and perspective along with a meaning… Now, open your eyes and begin."

The first thing that came to my mind was a storm. I took paint palette, put some, black, purple, blue, metallic silver, and other paint colors on it. I took my paint brush, closed my eyes, inhaled deeply, exhaled slowly, cleared my mind of everything except my image and began to paint.

I let my hand do the movements over the canvas as I did my best to portray my storm.

After thirty to forty minutes, I had finished it finally and wrote my name on the back.

"Ok class the bell is going to ring soon it's time to clean up. I will go through your works of art please pick them up after school and explain why you decided to paint what you did."

I walked out and went to my next class leaving my painting behind.

...

I picked up my paining ten minutes before school ended because I had a sub last period and did nothing so I asked permission to leave early. When I was done getting my painting I left the art room and the bell rang.

"Clare"

I looked around and found Adam walking up to me. I smiled faintly.

"Oh hey Adam."

"What's that?"

"A painting I did for art"

"Cool do you mind if I see it?"

I was a little nervous showing off my artwork, but pushing the nervousness aside, I decided that it couldn't hurt, so I stopped by the lockers and showed Adam.

"Wow, this is really awesome."

"Thank you Adam." I responded. My lips curled up into a smile.

"Cool a painting of a storm. Who did you buy it from?" Eli asked, popping up out of nowhere.

"I painted it thank you very much." I said and stuck out my tongue. "I have to get to my locker, I'll talk to you guys later."

I started to walk to my locker, painting in hand.

"Clare!"

I turned around to see Eli.

"What is it Eli?"

"Why a storm?"

"What?"

"Why did you choose to paint a picture of a storm?"

"Well when asked to paint something that gave me peace, perspective, and had meaning I choose a storm."

"How do you get peace, perspective, and meaning from that, well I get the perspective part of it really, just not the peace."

"Well if you must know… I love storms there's something about them that makes me feel at peace, ease, even though they're dark and sometimes dangerous, the sun always comes out shedding beauty once again on this earth." Eli stared at me in slight awe, as if what I said actually amused him.

"I never looked at it that way."

"Not many people do. With all bad things good things follow, just like with all rainstorms light is soon to come."

I took out the books I needed for homework, inserted the books that I didn't need, and started to walk out of the school, meeting Alli outside. We started walking home, and I was talking to Alli on the way.

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	2. Heights

When Alli and I reached my house, we said our goodbyes and parted ways. I walked up the walkway leading to my door. I placed my hand on the door knob and hoped it was locked, but when I turned the knob, the door opened. Just my luck.

I walked inside finding my parents sitting at the table. My dad was reading the newspaper and my mom was looking through a magazine.

"I'm home." I mumbled softly, hoping they didn't hear me.

"Welcome home sweetie." My mom said sweetly.

I walked up the stairs hoping to get away without them saying anything.

"Put your things away then come back down here we need to finish our discussion from last night." my dad stated; his voice stopped me dead in my tracks.

I walked into my room, put my backpack by my door along with my purse, and put my painting on a shelf in my closet, then went downstairs.

I sat at the table with my parents, and waited patiently for them to start the conversation.

"Clare about last night your father and I are sorry for taking our anger out on you." I resisted the urge to burst out into laughter.

"Mom, dad you're not sorry. You do the same thing every night. If you were sorry you'd stop, but you're not going to, so I'm not accepting your apology."

"Don't talk to us like that Clare." My dad said; his voice full of anger.

I turned to face my dad and narrowed my eyes at him.

"Or what? You'll hit me, please do, I've been waiting for you to just hit me, you and mom both, all you do is talk down to me, make me feel like I'm nothing, but guess what, you're nothing! The both of you! I hate you both." I said through my teeth.

"Clare you don't mean that." My mom whispered.

"I do my mom just like you and dad hate me I hate you just the same. I can't take the verbal abuse you're putting me through. I've started cutting myself because of it! But, I don't see why I'm telling you this now because it's not like you two care. I hate this so much, I can't deal with this abuse anymore."

"Sweetie it's not abuse." I pinned my eyebrows together, wondering if what I heard was right.

"Mom it is and it hurts, I ignore you both for a majority of the time and cutting is my escape… to feel the pain you both put me through and I hate you both for it."

"Clare-" my dad said in a raised voice.

"What?" I asked back, raising my voice just the same way he did.

"Don't you dare use that tone on me-"

"Or what dad you'll ground me again? Like that ever works, I don't care if you ground me or not. I never go outside except for school. Your threats mean nothing to me anymore."

"Clare no dinner."

"We went through that already I was hospitalized for malnutrition remember? What's next taking away my TV? Laptop? Cell phone? Go ahead because I don't use them. If you take away by books I could always sing annoying songs to you until you either get annoyed enough to hit me or give up."

"Clare where do you think you could get off talking to us like that?"

"Well it's very simple dad, you and mom can't ground me because I rarely do anything besides homework outside of school and you can't keep me from going to school. Here's another little known fact: You aren't going to hit me other than smacking me upside the head, neither one of you, you're both too afraid to."

I walked upstairs after telling my parents that they looked so dumbfounded. It felt good to finally tell them off. I just wished I would've gained this confidence sooner.

"Clare keep treating us like this and we'll send you to boot camp this summer!" My dad yelled as I reached my bedroom door.

Great they'd actually send me to boot camp too, not a place I'm too fond of, but at least it would keep me away from them. I walked into my room, shut my door so I was closed off from the outside world, sat on my bed for a minute, paced my room frantically, hooked my iPod to my speakers, and blared the music.

"_You're a screw up a mistake even your parents told you that, just cut yourself and be done with the pain. One little cut is all it takes, or are you going to finally kill yourself and let them win?" _The little voice inside my head said.

I'm not going to kill myself and let them win. I went over to my nightstand, opened the drawer, pulled out my razor, and walked back to my bed. I sat on it, lifted my sleeve and placed the razor against my wrist. I licked my lips, and placed pressure on my arm, pulled and created a cut, deep enough so I could feel the stinging pain, and deep enough so it would bleed. I'm not killing myself for them. I might only be here for their amusement, but I'm human too, and this is my life.

I watched the blood run down my arm and into my palm. I watched my arm bleed for a few minutes before going into my bathroom and cleaning up. Once my cut had stopped bleeding, I began to do my homework. It took me a good two hours to finish my homework, since I had gotten so distracted from the pain on my arm.

"Clare dinner time!"

My mom has good timing since I've just finished my homework. I put my books away and went downstairs.

"Nice of you to finally join us." My dad said in a sarcastic amused tone.

I just glared at him.

"Clare sweetie would you like something to drink with dinner?"

Ok this is scary my parents are actually treating me like part of the family.

"Sure mom I'll take a cola." I yelled back I looked at the table and nothing was set. "Mom why did you call me for dinner if it's not ready?"

"Clare stop asking meaningless questions and just sit there."

My dad got up from his chair and walked towards the kitchen slapping me upside the head, as he walked past something I'm used to. I winced and rubbed the back of my head.

"What was that for?" I asked.

"Do I really need a reason to smack you upside the head?"

I looked to my dad as he entered the kitchen.

"Guess not." I mumbled softly.

As my dad entered the dining room and started to walk past me, he raised his hand to get something off a shelf; I flinched out of habit, and got hit upside the head yet again. I whimpered, and resisted the urge to get up and slap him, see how he would feel about it.

"That was for flinching." My dad snorted.

"Well sorry if I can't help, but flinch every time someone walks behind me and raises their hand."

My mom walked out with a few bowels of food and sat them down along with my cola.

"Mom do you need any help?" I asked.

"Sure thanks for the offer." My mom responds in a gentle voice

"Good girl making yourself useful for once." My dad said coldly, smirking.

Bringing back the verbal abuse now…

I looked around at the food and got a few things from the fridge. As I stood up I got hit upside the head again with a box. I looked over to my mom who was the only one in the kitchen besides me.

"You should've came to help sooner I wouldn't have smacked you upside the head."

I wanted to leave, I wanted to just run out the front door and scream my lungs out, but I just rubbed the back of my head and took some condiments out of the fridge. I helped finish putting dinner on the table.

We sat there as a family quietly not even saying anything the only thing I wanted to do was take my plate and run. The tension was inevitable to bare it was uncomfortable and I had no choice, but to sit there and bare it the best to my ability.

"So Clare how was school?" My mom asked.

I looked to both of my parents my dad glared at my mom.

"Why are you asking her irrelevant questions, she's only going to respond with the same

"It was fine" answer?" He said.

"This awkward silence is getting to be unbearable."

"School was ok mom thanks for asking." I said softly knowing it would annoy my dad.

"Clare I don't know why your mother chooses to send you to that place knowing you're too stupid to even pass one single class."

I move the food around on my plate and take a bite.

"Well dad, sorry to rain on your parade, but remember I'm in Advanced English and guess what I'm passing it." I stated happily proving my dad wrong.

"Well that's either because your teacher is a retard or you're cheating." I laughed.

"Dad if I were cheating I'd be expelled and if Mrs. Dawes was a retard she wouldn't be teaching."

"Well that just means she got her diploma at some drug store."

"Dad I'm not stupid." I defended myself, clenching my fists.

"Could've fooled me."

I pushed my plate of half eaten food away and ran upstairs to my room, I slammed my door, turned on my iPod, and took out my new best friend, my razor. I made cuts on my arm as the tears fell down my cheeks.

Cutting gave me a reason to cry it was my "At Home Escape" or "AHE" I used it when my emotions would get the best of me. I needed a way to cope with my life and this was it. Every cut, every scar, told a story. The one on the middle of my left forearm was from the first time my dad told me he wishes I was never born and my mom just sat there like it was nothing. I can't believe she would let him talk to me like that.

"Clare can I come in?" My mom's voice chimed at the other end of the door.

I covered my arm up as the blood trickled down, turned off my iPod, and sat back on my bed.

"S-sure mom."

She opened the door, walked in, and sat on the closest corner of my bed.

"I'm sorry about your father you know how he is."

"Mom I'm his daughter just because he had a bad day or whatever doesn't mean he can take it out on me when I get home."

"I know sweetie, but it'll eventually get better." I laughed, knowing she's just saying this to make me feel better, well to her dismay, it's not.

"Mom you said I ruined your life and dad tells me I'm a mistake how do things get better?"

"I'm sorry I don't know."

I sat down on my bed with my mom we just sat there in awkward silence for what seemed like forever.

"I put your dinner in the fridge you can finish it when you want to or don't I don't care."

That's the thing with my mom, like me there are so many sides to her. She's happy one minute, and angry the next. Dealing with both parents and not knowing what's going to happen next isn't easy.

I don't cry anymore, unless I'm cutting. I was raised to believe that crying shows weakness. The only times that it's ok to cry are at funerals, when I get physically hurt, or when someone dies. I don't even cry during sad movies anymore, my mom cried during a sad movie last month and my dad full out yelled at her saying she was weak, she wasn't strong, and if she didn't toughen up he'd leave her. I haven't seen my mom cry since and all other emotions my mom showed were fake except for her anger that was real. My mom left my room not a minute sooner than I wanted.

I changed into my pajamas, crawled back into my bed, and turned on the TV. There really wasn't anything good on mainly sad movies which don't faze me anymore so there's really no point in watching them. I ended up putting on some stupid comedy show that really didn't catch my interest. I fell asleep at about ten o'clock and waited for a new day to emerge.

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	3. The World Outside

I woke up the next morning to my dad yelling at my mom.

"You stupid bitch!" My dad screamed.

"It was a fucking accident you asshole." My mom yelled in return.

Possibly because she cried again. I immediately blared my iPod to drown out the yelling, took out my razor, and cut myself, unable to control my emotions. I needed to cry. I made a deep laceration in my arm, well as deep as I could without hitting any veins. I looked at the time it was 6:54 and I had leave soon. I quickly took a rag to put on my cut, got dressed, I put on a bright pink long sleeve shirt, threw a black short sleeve shirt over that since I promised Alli I'd wear short sleeves, and some skinny jeans. I put my iPod in my purse so I'd have something to listen to on the way to school.

I ran down stairs after having to go to school. My dad brushed past me as I got to the bottom of the stairs. He had his jacket on and briefcase in hand. I looked into the kitchen at my mom who was cleaning up a broken plate.

"Don't worry I just broke a plate." She laughed

"Which gives him no reason to yell at you like that" I stated

"We know your father's temper don't let it get to you just do what I do and tune him out."

"Mom it doesn't work like that with me, I can't believe his yelling doesn't faze you"

"I'm just more used to it then you, go to school"

I took a piece of toast and went to school. When I got outside I remembered my cut and lifted my sleeve a little. The rag was still in place, but I was still bleeding, I couldn't worry about this now I had to get to school.

I made it to my locker on time and Eli was standing there with no sign of Alli.

"So Clare I was thinking about what you said yesterday…"

"What exactly did I say yesterday?" I asked as I opened my locker.

Eli stood next to me and raised his hand causing me to flinch as he rubbed the back of my head.

"Why did you flinch like I was going to hit you?"

"Habit I guess I don't know." I lied.

"Right." Eli said slightly stretching out the word.

"So about yesterday?" I said changing the subject.

"Oh right your perspective on storms really made me think."

"Really I actually made _the_ Elijah Goldsworthy think." I stated sarcastically.

Eli smirked at my statement.

"Clare oh my god that's so not what I meant." Alli said as she ran towards Eli and I

I turned my attention to her and she was looking at my attire.

"Hey I'm still keeping my promise I am wearing a short sleeve shirt."

"Over top of a long sleeved one" Alli stated a little angry about my loop hole.

I chuckled "Well Alli there is loop holes plus long sleeve shirts are comfortable." I stated.

Alli looked up to Eli and whispered something in his ear causing him to chuckle a little.

"Ready for class Eli?" I asked as I shut my locker.

"Yea." He replied.

The walk was to class was a little awkward since I didn't really get to check on my arm, but I knew the rag was still intact.

"So did you show your parents your painting?" Eli asked as we continued to walk

"No I forgot to." I lied

"Oh."

Eli and I took our seats once we entered the class. The bell rang as soon as we sat down.

"Good morning class today we're watching Romeo and Juliet." Mrs. Dawes stated

Great, at least I have my trusty iPod. As the lights went out my iPod went on. I listened to my music and finally checked on my arm. I removed the rag to reveal a deep gash in my arm that was no longer bleeding, I put the rag back on my arm basically because I had nowhere else to put it. I took out my binder and began writing a poem. The next thing I know a folded paper falls on my desk with my name on it.

I unfolded it out of curiosity and read it.

_Clare, what are you listening to? Eli_

I thought a minute before writing a reply.

_Depends what did Alli tell you?_

I folded the note back up, tapped Eli's shoulder, gave it to him, and went back to my poem.

A paper landed on my desk yet again.

_She told me to baby sit you which was funny and I don't even know why._

I replied instantly

_She doesn't like me wearing long sleeves all the time, but I do. I'm listening to A Beautiful Lie by 30 Seconds To Mars._

Eli didn't respond to my note so I finished the rest of my poem, put it in my binder, shut my iPod off, and started to watch Romeo and Juliet.

"So what were you writing?" Eli asked in a whisper as he turned around.

"A poem nothing big."

"Mind if I see?"

"Yes I mind."

"I am your English partner."

"Be that as it may Eli, that doesn't mean you get to see everything I write."

"So Clare are you eating lunch alone today?" Adam asked.

"She wasn't really alone Adam." Eli stated.

"Um what are you getting at?"

"Well I wanted to know if you would like to eat lunch with us since we have the same lunch." Adam said

"Why didn't you two just join me yesterday when you seen me?"

"Because we were going to, but some guy sat next to you and you smiled." Eli said kind of sadly

"Oh I have no idea who that was."

"Really?" Adam asked.

"Yes I don't have any friends besides Alli and you two, but I think the guy that sat next to me is in one of my classes, but I'm not too sure. I try to blend in."

"Well in that case why not have lunch with Adam and me?"

"Sure."

"Ok we'll go to the Dot for lunch my treat."

"Are you sure Eli?"

"Of course."

"We'll meet you at the front doors." Adam stated.

The bell rang, went into the bathroom, and threw my rag out.

I went to my classes, and before I knew it, it was lunch time. I threw my books in my locker and met Adam and Eli at the double doors they were already waiting for me.

"So you've been to the Dot before right?" Eli asked as we walked out the doors.

"Eli she's been here for over two years." Adam chuckled

"Yes I have been to the Dot, why?" I said with a small smirk

"Well because Adam and I go there a lot and we've never seen you nor do you blend in?"

"I haven't been there since the summer and that was only once because Alli drug me, but I know people that work there"

Eli, Adam, and I walked up to a hearse; Eli smiled to me, and looked back to the hearse.

"We're taking a hearse." It came out in more of a statement than a question

"I prefer Morty, but yes he's a hearse" Eli said.

"Clare he doesn't bite." Adam chuckled.

"Well how are all three of us going to fit in there?"

"Well Adam will sit back with the coffin." Eli laughed.

"I think I'll walk." I said as I turned around, now feeling a bit awkward.

Eli ran up to me, grabbed my right arm, and pulled me so I was facing him.

"Clare I was joking." Eli chuckled.

"I don't like dead things." I muttered.

"Ok I won't joke about dead things." Eli soothed.

"Clare there's nothing dead in the back we'll even reassure you." Adam said.

"I'm fine." I said softly as Eli and I made our way to the passenger side.

"You'll sit in the front between Adam and I" Eli said.

Eli unlocked the door, I got inside, moved over to the middle, and Adam sat next to me.

"You aren't claustrophobic are you?" Adam asked.

"No." I replied.

I'm just afraid of dead things for some reason. I looked around the hearse and noticed you couldn't even see the back of it so I was fine.

"Are you ok?" Eli asked as he sat down

I nodded "I just hate dead things it's like something I'm afraid of." I admitted.

"Why they can't hurt you." Adam said as Eli put the key in the ignition bringing the hearse to life.

"And even if they were to try Adam and I here will kick their ass."

I laughed at the image as we started to drive off. Loud screamo music came on and I jumped.

"Sorry I'll turn it down." Eli said "So why are you afraid of dead things?"

"I don't really know I just know that everytime I see a dead thing that isn't a bug it scares me."

Eli and Adam nodded.

I played with the hem of my sleeve as it got quieter. I started to listen to the music and I knew the group and the song. Eyes Set to Kill was on and the song was Reach I have them on my iPod.

"Are you ok?" Adam questioned.

"Y-yea it's just I know this song and the group."

Both boys looked at me in amazement.

"It is Reach by Eyes Set to Kill right?" I asked.

"Indeed it is I'm surprised." Eli stated.

The rest of the ride was spent listening to music. When we got to the Dot Eli parked Morty and Adam helped me out.

The bell rang as we entered the Dot.

"Clare-bear are you skipping lunch and I was worried about you." Peter said as soon as we walked in.

"No, it's our lunch break."

"Did you three walk or something because I can drive you back." Peter said as Adam, Eli, and I sat down.

"No, Eli drove his hearse." I said.

"Clare-bear did you grow out of your fear dead things?" Peter asked.

"She's still afraid of dead things, but doesn't know why." Eli stated.

"You forgot how we met? I'm so hurt Clare." Peter joked.

"I'm sorry I don't remember meeting someone that involved dead things." I stated.

"Ok let me get your order than I'll explain everything."

Eli, Adam, and I placed our orders, and then Peter left.

"How long have you known him?" Eli asked.

"Since I was twelve so three years."

"Clare you're a sophomore too." Adam said sounding shocked.

"Yea why?"

"Well because you're really smart for a tenth grader." Eli stated. "Just like Adam."

"Eli I'm not that smart."

"Don't talk down about yourself Clare you are really smart." Eli said sweetly.

"He's right you shouldn't talk down about yourself or question your genius-ness" Adam chimed in.

"Clare your parents still fighting I'm guessing?" Peter asked as he bought our drinks.

I nodded as I looked down. Peter moved a chair over.

"I thought that things at home have gotten better since you didn't call me to come get you."

"They're worse and I don't use my phone nor go outside anymore."

"Well I know you don't like it when someone pries into your home life so I'll just fill you in on your fear of dead things." Peter looked around at Adam, Eli, and I as he began to talk

"Ok so it was three years ago, it was Halloween about nine o'clock in the afternoon and I was in an abandoned house with my girlfriend Stephanie at the time we were on a dare. Well a few jerks decided to lock her and I in, we decided to walk around and when we got to the second floor Clare was there reading a book. Well Stephanie and I thought Clare was a ghost since she sort of glowed from the light only it was a flashlight. When Clare seen us she just looked at us and went back to reading. Stephanie and I were sure she was a ghost after that, but when Clare got up fifteen minutes later and fell she started to bleed, well Stephanie helped her and they talked, we were locked in for three hours and were starting to hear noises, I tried to calm the girls down, but failed, we found a different room with a closet as we heard something come closer Stephanie and Clare opened the door and a bunch of dead things fell on them only some of them weren't dead just really beaten up after seeing that, both girls ran screaming and Clare ended up breaking down the door with Stephanie's help."

"Here's your food." Spinner said Peter took the plates off of the tray and passed them around.

"I've been afraid of dead things ever since and Peter the one thing was too dead now that I remember it, it's eye was hanging from the socket as it ran."

"So Clare what were you doing in an abandoned house on Halloween?" Eli asked.

"I was reading didn't you listen to Peter?" I said sarcastically.

"You know what I meant." Eli stated.

"I was tired of my parents fighting so I ran away to the abandoned house." I said to Eli "Peter does Stephanie still contact you?"

"No she hasn't since I started dating Mia, but Mia still contacts me even though we're not together anymore."

"Oh, I miss Mia, I lost touch with her."

"I know don't tell her I told you, but she's coming here to see you it turns out she misses you too."

I smiled especially since Mia likes to baby me.

"Oh Clare before I leave if you're on one of your rare 'Clare Skipping School Days' do it elsewhere Mia's supposed to arrive here a few minutes after you leave."

"I'm sure she'll let me skip if I wanted to it's been about four months since I talked to her." I stated.

"Clare skips classes?" Eli said sounding shocked.

"I did a few times, thank you." I replied back in as sarcastic way.

"So Adam feel like skipping with Clare?"

"Dude my mom will kill me if I skip." Adam said.

"Eli if you want to skip with me and Mia I'm sure you'll be bored." I stated

"I'll be fine." Eli said.

"Adam if you want to go to school I'm sure Mia wouldn't mind dropping you off a little late." I said to Adam he nodded and we finished eating.

"Fifteen minutes before the bell rings just enough time to get to class if Mia comes in now." Adam retorted.

"Clare bear!" Mia yelled as if on cue.

I stood up and hugged Mia.

"Mia I've missed you so much."

"You've gotten so big and grew so much."

"Thank you." I smiled softly.

"So shouldn't you be in school?"

"We were on our lunch break and it's just ending, but since you're here I'd rather spend time with you and catch up."

"Fine I guess I'll let you skip." Mia smiled.

"Thank you and can you take us to Degrassi and drop Adam off?" I asked as I gestured to Adam

"New friends Clare bear?"

"Yea this is Eli and that's Adam" I gestured to them "Do you mind if Eli skips with us?" I asked

"No I don't and I'm -"

"And you're Mia Jones." Adam stated cutting Mia off.

"Adam how do you know Mia?" Eli asked.

"Drew has pictures of her on his walls she's a supermodel dude."

"Wow Clare I didn't know I was famous here."

"Me either."

"Well we should get going if Adam wants to get to school on time."

Eli tried to pay for our lunch, but Peter said that it was on the house and we left.

"We can take Morty; Adam can sit in the back." Eli chuckled.

"I don't think Mia wants to ride in a hearse." I stated.

"Yea we'll take my limo." Mia stated.

We all walked to Mia's limo and went off to school.

The whole afternoon was spent talking and shopping I'm sure Eli was bored since Mia made me try on clothes I made sure they weren't short sleeves, and I asked Eli how the clothes looked on me he smirked when I tried on some clothes, but it was fun Mia bought me a lot of clothes. Mia and I spent some time catching up, and then we got to learn about each other. Now it was off to home.

Mia dropped Eli off at the Dot since Morty was there and now it's off to home for me.

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	4. Liar Beneath The Glass

Mia and I stopped in front of my house and I looked down.

"So what's with your parents?"

"They yell all the time." I responded softly

"Well, so nothing will happen, I'm walking you inside."

"Ok. Thank you Mia."

"You're welcome and remember I love you so I want to take care of you."

Mia and I hugged before we both left the limo. We walked inside together and my parents were home.

"Clare welcome home."

"Thanks mom."

"Hi I'm-"

"Mia Jones" my dad stated as he jumped up

"I didn't know I was so famous" Mia giggled

"I didn't either." I said

"Welcome to our house and how do you know our daughter?"

"Well Clare-bear here and I have known each other for quite some time now, she's so adorable I just love her to death she's like a little sister."

"I love you too Mia." I stated happily

"Oh wow well I'm glad Clare has you as a friend we love Clare too don't we?" my dad responded

I rolled my eyes and tried my best not to laugh.

"So Clare how did you get so much stuff?" My mom asked curiously.

"Well I decided to take her out shopping with me it's nothing big."

"Clare doesn't deserve it." my dad snarled, now showing his true colors.

"Yes she does I missed her so much and I want to spoil her." Mia snapped back almost angrily

"Well I'm glad you want to take care of my daughter when she's not with us, but she doesn't deserve more than what she has." My dad said back to Mia

"Well since I bought her the gifts she's keeping them." Mia stated, crossing her arms across her chest, she was clearly going to win this battle. But I didn't want it to get too far, so I cut in.

"Come on Mia let's go to my room." I said

Mia followed me up to my room after glaring at my parents. When we got into my room I shut the door as Mia sat on my bed.

"I can't believe your parents treat you like that I wouldn't dare treat Izzy like that I do everything for her."

"I know and she's so lucky to have you as a mother. How is Izzy?" I ask taking a seat next to Mia on my bed.

"She's doing good she loves London, she should be in ballet right now with my mom."

"That's wonderful." I smile softly

"I'll take you to London this summer if you want as an escape from this retched place if you want."

"I'd love that." I chimed.

Unable to drown out my wretched thoughts I went into my bathroom leaving Mia in my room by herself. I looked though my bathroom and found a knife my dad had given me hidden in a drawer I dug it out and began to cut myself three times just to make sure the pain lasted each one deeper than the other, I put my arm under warm water not only to stop the bleeding, but also to make it hurt more. I flushed the toilet so Mia wouldn't think something was up, dried my arm and my hands, then walked out into my room.

Mia was still sitting on my bed when I got out of the bathroom. I walked over to her.

"Are you ok Clare?" She questioned, concern obviously in her voice

"I hate it here" I muttered honestly.

Mia stood up and pulled me into a hug. I sobbed into her chest.

"I'd adopt you if I knew your parents would sign over custody to a twenty year old with a seven year old daughter."

I nodded in her chest as I sobbed.

"I'm going to stay the night with you and I'll drive you to school tomorrow." Mia pulled away from me and I smiled faintly, nodding my head

"Thank you Mia."

"It's no problem Clare. I love you as if you were my own and I'd do anything to take care of you."

"I love you too."

"Kids dinner." My mom called

Mia and I walked down stairs for dinner and sat next to each other of course.

"So Mia how long have you been modeling?" My dad asked

"About four years now."

"That's some achievement."

"Yea I'm only here for a few months and wanted to see Clare. I'm coming back on the last two weeks in May and I'm going to take Clare to London with me during the summer. I'll return her in time for school." Mia stated

"I don't think that's necessary she'll be too much trouble." My dad said as he took a sip of his water I wanted to reach over and punch him in the face, and cream at him telling him that I'm only trouble when he tries to start something with me. But I keep my mouth shut and continue eating.

"No she won't she'll be able to hang out with my daughter Izzy and my mom or she could even watch me work. There's so much for a teenager to do in London."

"I'll think she'll stay" my dad argued

"You can argue with me, but I guarantee you won't win I can be very persuasive."

"Fine take the brat." My dad said through his teeth in defeat

"She's not a brat and I will. I'll take custody if you don't want her any more as well."

"That won't be necessary."

Mia didn't put up a fight with that, probably because she wouldn't like someone taking Izzy from her.

After dinner, Mia got a bag from the limo parked out front of my house, told the driver to come back at 6:45am, and we went back to my room.

"Is the tension between you and your parents always like that?" Mia asked as she changed into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt.

"Yea just about. They don't really care." I responded, shrugging my shoulders

Mia hugged me again. I didn't cry this time I just embraced her.

"I'm going to change into my pajamas." I said

I walked into the bathroom and put on my pajamas and went back out to my room. Mia was in her pajamas holding a bucket of pop corn with M&M's mixed in.

"I had your mom make the pop corn and I bought the M&M's with me just like old times."

I smiled at Mia thinking back to how we used to stay at her place when Izzy was visiting her dad Lucas on the weekends. We'd stay up half the night watching movies while eating pop corn mixed with M&M's I'd fall asleep in her arms and I enjoyed the love that came off her. I could tell she loves me so much in just one hug.

"What one?" Mia asked holding up a stack of DVD's

"Surprise me." I stated

Mia picked out a movie called "The Step Mother". We stayed up until ten pm and I fell asleep wrapped in her arms as her love over flowed my body. That's the thing with Mia we have more of a mother daughter relationship rather than an older sister younger sister one it's always been that way with us.

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	5. The Hallow

**Sorry I haven't updated in a while things here are ugh. If this story seems personal that's because it is. I promise to try to update at least once a week, I'm sorry for the long break. **

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I woke up to Mia's gentle whispers telling me that it's time to wake up.

"Good morning." Mia whispered lovingly once I awoke.

I smiled at her.

"Morning." I responded groggily.

Mia and I both got out of bed and started to get dressed.

"I picked out your outfit today you'll look really cute." Mia smiled as she handed me my clothes.

"Thank you." I smiled back

I took them from her and went into the bathroom to change. I looked over my outfit I had on a nice Juicy Couture t-shirt with a white spring long sleeve jacket, and a Juicy denim mini to match. Mia must have thrown in some t-shirts when I wasn't looking. I got dressed and left the bathroom. Mia was dressed once I entered my room, also wearing a jacket.

"What do you think?" I asked while Mia inspected my outfit as she put on her shoes.

"Well the jacket needs to be unzipped."

I obeyed and unzipped the jacket.

"Now shoes."

Mia handed me black converse. When I was totally finished Mia looked me over and smiled.

"Now it's time for school."

I looked at the time it was only 6 A.M. and my alarm had just gone off. I looked over to Mia with my arms crossed and a slight smirk on my face.

"What I thought we could have breakfast at the Dot." She exclaimed as she grabbed her purse.

I giggled a little. "Sounds like fun thank you."

"You're welcome."

I grabbed my purse as Mia and I left the room. My mom was in the kitchen and my dad was getting ready to leave when Mia and I left. We went out of the house unnoticed, entered the limo, and made our way to the Dot.

"Mia, how did your driver know to meet us here so early?" I asked curiously.

"Well I kind of sort of lied when I told you he was coming at 6:45 to drive you to school" Mia admitted.

I nodded and entered in the limo Mia followed. The ride to the Dot was spent listening to music.

At the Dot we talked about what we were doing later, Mia's picking me up after school and we're hanging out again, she's also spending another night, and I'm spending the weekend with her. We both had breakfast sandwiches and then after we ate we had to leave. A few people recognized Mia, but didn't interrupt us.

The ride to school was a little quiet we talked about what we were going to do after school and about lunch. Mia's not going to be around for lunch so I'm probably going to the Dot with Adam and Eli.

When we got to school the limo pulled up to the front steps and people watched it stop. I hugged Mia and I felt people staring at me when I exited.

I walked into the building heading to my locker. No one was there I wasn't really surprised. Then I see Alli.

"Clare are you wearing Juicy Couture or are my eyes playing tricks on me?" Alli asked.

"I'm wearing Juicy Couture your eyes are fine Alli" I responded monotone, laughing a little.

"Since when do you wear name brand?"

"Since I didn't dress myself. I went out with a friend yesterday whom I haven't seen for a few years."

"Clare did you hear what's going on today?" Adam asked cutting off Alli as she was about to speak.

"No Adam I did not" I stated sounding less than amused.

"Well, the whole school is going to watch a movie that is said to make everyone cry."

"Why, does the school want to torture us? It's going to so ruin my make up" Alli stated the last part.

Adam and I shrugged our shoulders at her.

"See ya Clare" Alli stated.

"Bye Alli"

I threw my books in my locker and shut it.

"Ready for class?" Adam asked.

"Skipping, sorry." I responded.

Adam rolled his eyes at me as I turned to the doors on my heel. I walked outside to the benches carrying only my purse. I held my arm down and looked at the cuts I've made they're all starting to heal since it's been about two days since I've made my last laceration. I brushed my fingers over them and quickly pulled my sleeve down when I noticed someone sitting next to me.

"Clare are you skipping because you're afraid you'll cry in class, because the movie is supposed to make you cry to send awareness out about third world countries and how we can change them." Adam stated sounding concerned as he sat across from me.

"Adam I'm not afraid to cry." I mumbled

"Than what is it?"

"I can't" I said almost inaudible.

"What was that?" Adam asked, I guess he didn't hear me

"I can't" I repeated in a slightly louder tone.

"Can't what?"

"Cry." I whispered

"What?"

"I can't cry Adam." I said in a slightly raised voice a little annoyed.

"Well your eyes do make tears right?"

"Yes Adam it's just that I can't cry can we drop the subject please?" I asked annoyed not wanting to explain everything without having the need to.

"Wanna trade secrets?" Adam asked.

I've literally got nothing better to do.

"Sure why not?"

"I'm an FTM…female to male transgender the only people that know are you and Eli, please don't hate me or be freaked out." Adam admitted nervously, kind of quickly. I blinked a few times.

"I'm not freaked out Adam, you're still Adam no matter what it's who you are." I state.

"Ok now why can't you cry?"

I rolled my eyes and obliged to answer the question.

"I was raised not to. I was taught crying showed weakness and every time I cried from either a movie or getting into trouble I'd get punished. I don't cry anymore." I replied sadly.

"It's ok Clare."

Adam held my hand.

"So do you love long sleeve shirts or do you have another secret?" I said smirking at Adam.

"H-how did you know?" Adam asked nervously.

"I have my ways, plus when have you seen me in short sleeves?" I asked as mysteriously as I possibly could.

"Ok spill." Adam demanded

"This goes nowhere no one knows only my parents, deal?"

"Deal and vice versa."

I put my left arm on the table and showed Adam all the marks, he moved besides me, and ran his fingers over the lacerations that are now healing.

"Why did you do this?"

I shrugged, not wanting to explain my home life to him.

"Show me yours." I demanded.

Adam rolled up his left sleeve showing me his burn marks and I ran my fingers over his.

"I couldn't be Gracie, she's my girl side. All I know is how to be Adam, but when I'm Gracie this is the only thing to help me deal." Adam explained.

"I can't take my home life my parents don't abuse me or anything it's just hard." I admitted not telling him more information than he needs to know.

"I'm so sorry Clare I can honestly tell you I know how you feel. My mom doesn't quite accept me as Adam and it's hard to deal with sometimes she even calls me Gracie or her daughter when

I'm not a girl."

Adam and I rolled our sleeves down and hugged. I felt like crying, but couldn't.

"I think we should head inside." Adam stated as he stood up from the table.

"Ok, hey Mia probably put my cell in my purse want to exchange numbers?" I asked as I rummaged through my purse.

"Sure."

I found a red box with a bow on it, inside was the new iPhone 4 with a note attached that read "If you need me call my number is already programmed and you cannot give this back you're on my plan. Love Mia." I smiled as I handed Adam my new phone and put the empty box in my purse.

"Wow an iPhone 4 someone is spoiled." Adam chuckled, I got up and we started walking.

"You have to enter in your number and I'll call you from mine I don't know the number yet." I stated as I watched Adam enter in his number.

Once Adam was done I called his cell which rang in his pocket, he saved my number once he took out his phone, and then put it back in his pocket.

"Don't give it out please I'm not sure of my plan yet."

"I won't Clare, promise."

"Thanks Adam."

"No problem, so here's a question for you…" Adam paused as we walked up to the school I looked at him curiously "Do you like anyone here?"

I nodded "But it doesn't matter I just realized my feelings yesterday and I'm not acting on them. I don't want a boyfriend I can't have one."

We both looked around the halls and noticed they were still empty so we sat down by our lockers as class went on.

"So who do you like?" Adam asked curiously as I played with my phone.

"Doesn't matter I don't think he feels the same besides even if he did I'm not sharing my secrets with him I'm afraid to, plus my home life isn't that good it'll only get worse if I have a boyfriend." I said sadly

"Have you dated Clare?"

I shook my head.

"Why not?"

"Too afraid to. It's not like I haven't kissed a boy before I just didn't date him."

Adam looked at me confused as Simpson walked up.

"Aren't you two supposed to be in your first period class still?"

"When is it over?" Adam asked

"At third period the movie is still playing."

"It's too sad so we left." I admitted

"Ok well I'm not punishing either of you two since I announced that kids may leave the class if they get too emotional, but only upon the teachers ok."

Adam and I nodded and Simpson walked away.

"We just got out of two classes with no punishment due to a stupid movie." Adam stated happily as Simpson walked out of sight.

I giggled a little.

"So back to the conversation."

"I was dared to kiss some random guy and I did. What about your first kiss?"

"I haven't had it yet." Adam blushed as he looked at his lap.

"So do you like anyone?" I asked amused as I looked over to him.

"Not more than a friend." Adam stated

"Mia put me on a plan with unlimited talking and texting." I said excitedly.

"That's awesome, so about the guy you like…"

"Adam what's with the questions I told you it doesn't matter."

"What if you tell him and he tries his best to help you or whatever."

I shook my head. "Adam it's not that simple." I muttered.

The bell rand and Adam stood up, and then helped me up.

"Clare you know you can talk to-"

"There you two are." Eli said once he seen us I guess coming from class

"So how was the movie?" Adam asked

"Fell asleep during it when I woke up at the ending people were crying. Why'd you two skip?"

"My idea I didn't want to go to class." I mumbled

I opened my locker and took out the books I needed.

"Adam you have my number call me later and we'll finish our conversation."

"What time?" Adam asked

"About 8pm."

"Ok I'll make a note of it."

"If you don't call me I'll call you." I stated

Adam nodded; I looked over to Eli who was giving Adam the death glare for some reason.

The rest of the day went by fast and after school Mia and I hung out for a little then went home. Mia had taken me shopping yet again and we both had tons of bags.

When the limo pulled in front of my house we both got out and started to walk, we looked around once we were inside. It was empty.

"No one's home." Mia stated the obvious.

We set our bags down and looked around the house I checked the kitchen.

On the fridge was a note from my mom.

"_Clare your father and I went on a small vacation to Hawaii we'll be back next month. The bills are paid and there's money for your food in the cookie jar. We left you $10,000 have fun and don't tell your dad about how much money is there. Love always Mom_"

Mia came back down and stood next to me.

"They're gone until next month they went to Hawaii for vacation."

Mia and I stayed in and ordered pizza. I told her that I was fine here by myself if she wanted to stay at her hotel, she agreed, and said she'll send her limo to take me to school tomorrow, and pick me up tomorrow afternoon. Adam called me on time and we talked for a few hours, then I went to sleep.

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	6. Behind These Eyes

I woke up not wanting to go to school, so I went down stairs in my pajamas forgetting that I wore short sleeves to bed last night, I crossed my arms against my chest, went outside, and told the limo driver I didn't need his services; he told me to call him when I needed him and handed me his card. I nodded and went back inside.

Once inside I yawned and tried to go back to sleep, but couldn't. I turned on the TV in the living room and watched some meaningless show. I was beyond bored when it ended, I looked at the time and it was only 7:00 meaning first period hasn't started.

_Adam_ I thought. I smiled, ran up to my room, grabbed my phone, and called him.

Ring Ring

"Hey where are you? Eli and I were worried." Adam said once he answered his phone

"I'm fine thanks Adam, I don't really feel like going to school, want to spend the day with me?" I replied as I rummaged through my cabinet for food.

"Clare you should come first period hasn't started yet."

"Hmm no thanks how about you come here, I need someone to keep me company."

"Well you wouldn't need the company if you were here." Adam stated sarcastically

"Adam are you coming or not so I know what I'm going to do or not do today?" I said annoyed

"I'll have Eli join us."

"I don't want Eli involved."

"Clare he's been to your house I know that for a fact and I haven't."

It's true Eli has been to my house before because when he, Mia, and I skipped, we had to drive past my house to get to one of the stores and Mia pointed out my house to Eli.

"Adam don't worry I'll send a limo. Please let me know now" I looked at the clock he only had five minutes to decide. "You don't have much time."

"Eli I'm going to Clare's for the day we'll catch up later." I heard him say to Eli I tried not to squeal. I so didn't want to be alone.

"Send the limo" Adam groaned meaning I won.

"Thank you Adam you rock." I chanted happily

"Yea yea yea you better have something good planned."

"Planning now." I giggled.

"Ok well I'm heading outside have the limo pick me up at the corner."

"Will do."

I hung up and called Geeves the limo driver and told him to where to pick Adam up. After I hung up with Geeves I ran all around my house. I dug out some video games I rarely played anymore, well besides my Wii. All my video games came from Christmas the one time in the year it feels like we're a family, the one-time of the year I don't have to cut myself from the yelling or feeling of being alone, the one time in the year I feel loved by both of my parents, the one-time of the year I'm actually happy.

Just as I got all the games and entertainment set up in the living room Adam knocked. I answered the door still in my pajamas.

"Hey Adam welcome and thank you for skipping you don't know how much it means to me."

I watched Adam as he walked inside and took in everything. I shut the door after he entered and waved bye to Geeves.

"It's no problem, but if my mom kills me I'm haunting you." Adam joked

"Funny Adam."

"So what do you have planned?" Adam asks still standing in the entrance

"Well as you can see I have video games all set up you can take your pick."

"Geeze Clare you have more video games than I do."

"Five years of Christmas presents, the only time my family feels like an actual family. The one time in the year I'm happy to be alive."

Adam pulled me into a hug.

"Clare it's ok. I'm here and so is Eli whenever you're ready to talk to him too he'll understand."

"Eli can never know about this part of my life Adam." I stated as I pushed him away.

"Clare you can't keep pushing him away he's going to end up pushing back and you're going to end up having to tell him."

"Well he hasn't pushed back yet so I'm not worried." I reply a little too bluntly.

I watched as Adam took a seat on the couch and look over at me.

"You can start the game I'm going to get changed out of my pajamas; I was thinking pizza for lunch?"

"Pizza sounds perfect." Adam smiled

I went upstairs as Adam rummaged through my collection of video games. When I got into my room I put on a short sleeve tee shirt and some skinny jeans. When I went to get out my black flats I noticed a shoe box with "Lily, Jason, and Clare" written on it. I automatically took it out. Inside were pictures of Lily, Jason, and I we were like a family after Alli had left.

About six years ago right before middle school Alli's parents decided to move and I ended up meeting Lily and Jason there. Lily and Jason dated in the sixth grade I didn't feel like a third wheel around them because I felt like their sister we shared everything together. In seventh grade the three of us started cutting ourselves Lily and I tried to overdose months later, but Jason wouldn't let us he held us together. We were walking just the three of us one night and we lost Jason when we found him, he looked like he was sleeping, but we knew he wasn't, he had fallen down a ravine. His body was mangled and disheveled, bruises were clearly visible on his pale body and his head was bleeding. Lily called the cops as we heard the paramedic mumble "D.O.A" with a tear coming down his face Lily and I held each other as we cried. It didn't take a genius to know that "D.O.A" meant "Dead On Arrival". We gave the cops our statements and went to the funeral in eighth grade. Lily moved in the middle of the year and Alli came back towards the end leaving me alone for two months walking the halls. No one talked to me about Jason or Lily since and ever since then I've never stopped cutting or wearing long sleeves.

The pictures were my only memories of those happy times.

I went back downstairs and sat next to Adam who had Mario Kart all set up for us on my Wii.

Adam smiled faintly at me and handed me a controller and we started to play.

"Adam that's no fair" I yelled as he pushed my Yoshi into the lava

"It is fair you just need to play better." Adam chuckled

"Revenge is sweet" I smiled as I nailed Adam's Mario with a bomb causing me to get the lead.

Just then there was a knock on the door.

"Adam do you think it's Eli?" I asked confused

Adam checked his phone.

"No it's not lunch yet."

I flung open the front door enough so the person can see Adam sitting on the couch behind me.

"Clare long time no see!"

I looked up and my jaw dropped to the floor, I felt my face flush of all color. I couldn't move I couldn't blink it was like all time had stopped.

"Clare bear are you ok."

"Earth to Clare"

I see hands wave before my eyes, but I couldn't believe my eyes. I swear they're playing tricks on me. I blinked a few times.

Adam walked to my side and touched my shoulder causing me to jump.

"Clare are you ok?" Adam asked

Knowing that I wasn't imagining the person in front of me I slammed the door, and then locked it.

"Clare that wasn't very nice you just slammed the door on what seemed to be a close friend of yours." Adam said sadly

"He's dead Adam" I my voice monotone filled with morose

"He looked pretty much alive to me." Adam stated the obvious

I ran upstairs, grabbed my old cell the one with a full directory of everyone's number looked up Lily's and called her right away as Adam watched.

"Hello" Lily asked

"Hey it's Clare, Jason just showed up at my door."

"Told ya he was alive and faked his own death."

"This isn't the time to gloat what do I do I'm freaked out here. It's been two years we just got our lives back and now he wants to be welcomed with open arms I need some help."

"Well your past has to meet your present if you want my help."

I remember telling Lily I like to keep my past and present separated, but now it's about to change and they're rapidly colliding.

"Fine come help."

"I'll enroll at Degrassi with you and I'll call to see if your parents will let me stay with you." Lily said in her English accent.

"Ok when do you get here and nice way to pick up the accent after two years." I stated.

"Two weeks, but we're not welcoming Jason back with open arms as much as I loved him and as much as he was a brother to you we can't. You need to be strong."

I nodded as tears started to fall. "I will I shut the door on him. I don't get why he would do this to us." I cried

"I know babe it'll be ok I'll be there soon, but I have to get to bed."

"Sweet dreams and I'll see you in two weeks."

"I love you Clare"

"I love you too and I'll be counting the days until you arrive on my door step."

I hung up the phone and pressed it against my lips as tears fell down my face. I guess I couldn't always hide the past now could I.

Adam came and sat on my bed. I looked over at him and he looked puzzled.

"The guy at the door was Jason a very close friend at the time even closer than Alli, the person on the phone was Lily, Jason's ex; we used to be best friends, well more like a family. I met them after Alli left to go to a different middle school. Jason kept Lily and I together like glue, he was afraid we'd fall apart and we did fall apart when he faked his own death." I admitted

Adam held me in his arms again. "See you do cry."

"Funny Adam funny" I giggled

"My past has come back to haunt me yet again." I stated

"It'll be alright." Adam cooed.

"No Adam like my life it's not going to be alright."

"Clare I'm sure everything will be fine."

I nodded and before we knew it there was a knock at the door yet again.

"Want me to go with you this time?" Adam asked.

I nodded and slipped on a jacket just in case.

Adam and I both walked down stairs tears still managed to fall.

"Adam on second thought can you answer the door please I'm not up for any more surprises just tell them I'm busy or something."

Adam nodded as I went to wash off my face. Involuntary tears still fell.

"Hey where's Clare?" I heard a familiar voice ask.

"I'm fine thanks for asking. Clare's busy." Adam choked out the last part.

"Busy doing what, you two skip first yesterday, she calls you to skip with her today and all you can say is she's busy?"

"Dude I'm sorry it's complicated."

I walked to the door tears still falling probably from not having cried in years. I stood beside Adam and looked at Eli once I wiped my eyes. When Eli noticed I was crying he pulled me into a warm embrace and held me tightly, I was surprised, he didn't say anything he just held me as I cried; I hugged him back just as tightly as he held me. A few moments later my phone started to ring. Adam nudged me on the shoulder with it.

I motioned Eli inside as I picked it up.

"Hello" I sobbed a little.

"Love what's wrong?" Lily replied

"I can't stop crying."

I sat on the couch joined by Eli and Adam.

"When was the last time you cried?"

"The funeral."

"Hmm two years ago or more. I'm here to help you stop."

"How will that work?"

"Well Love I have good news."

I sniffled a little "Really?" I looked at the time and noticed it was 12. "And shouldn't you be sleeping."

"Babe I couldn't sleep."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be besides I get to see you next week I'm moving there you have your cuddle buddy back."

I giggled.

"What's so funny?"

"Remember the last time you slept in my room. We were in our underwear and my mom walked in? Remember the look on her face it was priceless." I laughed

"That it was and your tears seem to be stopping."

Eli and Adam looked at me with amusement as the tears stopped.

"They are, but what's with the new nicknames?"

"Nothing they just suit you, why you don't like them?"

"I never said I didn't like them." I stated defensively "I just need to give you one Love." I mimicked Lily

"Funny, just you wait until I see you."

"Really and you'll do what?" I laughed amused to hear her reply.

"I might lick you again."

"Ok that's not funny. Last time you licked me I had whipped cream on the side of my face and you laughed, but refused to lick it off." I groaned

"So you used my shirt."

"Exactly, oh thank you for that."

"When in doubt use Lily's shirt."

"Yup. When you lick me and leave traces of something on my face I will use your shirt to wipe it off."

"That's quite all right dear."

"Thank you, but remember school is strictly for school no distractions."

"Such as putting on a show? Or licking you? Or making everyone think we're lesbian lovers?"

"All the above, the licking I'm still not used to I'll admit that." I groaned into the phone.

"But you love me and it's only your face."

"I do love you and even so I'm known as Saint Clare here Bay Bay." I tried not to laugh because it's not like me to say "Bay Bay"

"Bay Bay shall I corrupt you for that Saint Clare."

"No corruption allowed."

Adam took the phone before Lily could reply

"Hey this is Adam you aren't allowed to corrupt our little Clare-bear more than you already possibly have."

"No I'm a close friend, but I'm objecting to the corruption of Clare."

Eli took the phone.

"Ok this is Eli and Adam has no say whether you corrupt Clare or not because she's your girlfriend." Eli choked out. Adam and I laughed

"I'm so sorry the way Clare was talking to you I thought she was your girlfriend." Eli said fast as he blushed.

I took the phone back.

"Hey it's me again sorry for the interruptions."

"It's ok I don't mind you need a boyfriend by the way."

"I don't need a boyfriend." I state

"Why not?"

"Truth be told I'm still messed up after Jason and I wasn't even dating him you were and honestly he broke both of us. Literally broke us, Lil and I can't deal with that anymore." I started to sob again.

"Clare honey not all boys are like that or will do something as horrid as that, hell look at Eli and Adam I don't think they'd hurt you, sweetie you need to open up more."

I cried again realizing she was right. I do need to open up.

"I will gradually let myself date, but I don't know when I don't want to go through the heartache again. Hell Lil I loved him like he was my brother we were so close now look at what he's done. We're both messed up beyond all belief whether you want to believe it or not and my family we're blown to smithereens we're not a family."

"It's ok open up to Eli and Adam."

"I've basically opened up to Adam, but Lilly it's hard."

"I know it is dear, but I have to go I'm sorry and you have two boys there beside you they'll get you through this I love you."

"I love you too sis."

I hung up the phone and cried in my legs. I felt someone rub my back.

"Clare time to open up to me." Eli stated

I shook my head.

"You opened up to Adam based off of what I heard from the conversation."

"Adam and I aren't too different."

"Well then I accepted Adam you should know I'll accept you, hell I already have."

"Eli there's things about me you still don't know that I don't think you'll like which is probably why Clare won't open up."

I looked over to Adam realizing what he was talking about.

"You didn't tell Eli that?" I asked in between tears referring to his arm

"No."

I looked over to Eli.

"Eli, do you know why Adam wears long sleeves?"

Eli shook his head and I looked at Adam. Adam gulped.

"Tell him together?" Adam asked quietly

"Tell me what?" Eli demanded.

I looked at Eli again.

"Adam and I wear long sleeves for basically the same reason." I stated almost inaudible

"Which is?"

I looked over to Adam, we both faced forward, extending left arms, palms facing upward, before we did anything we looked to Eli, his eyes were wide waiting for our next move, I couldn't read his facial expression. I looked over to Adam and we both put our hands at the sleeve of our shirts getting ready to pull them up.

"Ready?" I asked nervously

Adam nodded as we faced our arms. We both pulled the sleeves down at the same time trying not to look at Eli. My arm showed still visible wounds trying to heal some wider and deeper than others. I cried as I lowered my sleeve feeling like I just exposed myself.

Eli didn't say anything I could feel him stare at my arm. Everyone was quiet. Eli ran his fingers down my arm feeling the cuts that I have made. I looked over at him, my vision blurred with tears.

"Guys how, why?" He mumbled not forming full sentences.

"It helps us deal." I choke out.

"I don't get it?"

"Get what Eli?" I said sort of sad, a little confused.

"How you two can do this to yourselves sure life is bad, but there's got to be other ways."

"I've tried everything this is mainly a last resort for me." I stated honestly.

"Same here." Adam chokes out.

We both look at Eli; a confused look is on his face. I roll down my sleeve and Adam follows suit.

"This is why I don't open up." I mumble as I shake my head.

"Clare it's ok I know how you feel." Adam replied sadly

"I honestly don't know what to say." Eli stood up and looked at both Adam and I "Do either one of you still do that?"

I cried a little more and nodded slowly.

"Not often, only when my mom dresses me as Gracie so about once a year." Adam admits.

Eli starts pacing back and forth mumbling I can't make out the words. I just sit and watch.

Eli finally sat down after a few minutes of pacing, he put his head in his hands, and then the three of us talked for hours. I didn't tell Eli about my family, past suicide attempts, or anything. The guys stayed with me until 8pm we all ate lunch and dinner together it was nice. I canceled my plans with Mia for the weekend to make sure everything would be ready for Lily when she comes and to clean the house. I am so happy Eli seemed to accept the fact about Adam and I though he's convinced he'll make us stop one way or another I feel differently.

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	7. Beauty Behind Broken Glass

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN DEGRASSI I don't know what I own at this point.**

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I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock I hit the snooze button and just laid there thinking about the past weekend which went by fast.

Mia was busy working so I spent my time with Adam and Eli, Eli still doesn't know about Jason and I want to keep it that way for as long as possible. The three of us spent time playing video games and I could see Eli smirking at me a few times in the corner of my eye, they left early last night not long after dinner.

I shut off my alarm and drug myself out of bed. It's not like I want to go to school, but Jason knows where I live and I don't really want to see him. I walked to my closet threw on a long sleeve shirt, blue skinnies, and black converse; I did my hair and make-up, and then went downstairs for breakfast.

After I finished cleaning up my mess I heard loud screamo music only meaning one thing: Eli's here.

I peeked out the window and sure enough I was right. I smiled, grabbed my purse and went outside.

Eli stood leaning on the side of Morty.

"Good morning Blue-Eyes."

"Morning Eli." I yawned.

"Still tired I see, you were supposed to go to bed early."

"I did right after you left." I announce.

Eli opened the passenger door for me and closed it once I got inside. I slid to the middle and watched Eli as he got in.

"Mind if I lay on your shoulder?" I asked

He smirked back. "Not at all."

I smiled at him and laid my head down.

"Can you drive like this?" I asked once I noticed how uncomfortable it must be for him.

"Clare I wouldn't have allowed you to lay on me if I couldn't drive."

I nodded and drifted off to sleep.

"Clare wake up we're at school." Eli cooed.

I opened my eyes I am now propped up on Eli's shoulder with his arm around me. We were parked and Morty was shut off.

"You were right I couldn't drive like that, so I moved you to my chest don't worry I didn't do anything." Eli stated

I nodded and moved.

"Ready to face the day or would you rather sleep?"

"Honestly I'd rather sleep, but I need to go to school." I responded honestly.

"Well for lunch we'll go to the Dot and get some coffee."

"Thank you."

Eli opened his door and I opened mine. I took my purse and walked to Eli seeing that he waited for me.

We walked into the school together and started to make our way to my locker.

"Clare-bear what's new?"

I turned around to see Jason walk towards me, then continued walking.

"So that's it you're giving me the silent treatment? After all these years?"

I continued walking I glanced over at Eli who looked confused, but still walked.

"I still love you Clare, and you give me the silent treatment." Jason's voice rang with anger.

I turned around.

"Love me? HA! We both loved you and you broke us. You broke both of us; I haven't been the same since. Do you know what you've put me through? What were the three years pretend? I've never been hurt as much as you hurt me so don't expect me to welcome you with open arms. You have every right to be given the silent treatment. The sad thing is, I hate you and I still love you the same." I started crying and ran out of the school.

I didn't get too far before I felt someone tug on my arm and turn me towards them. I looked through my blurry eyes and seen Eli. I immediately wrapped my arms around him in a hug. I cried letting all of my emotions take control again.

"Clare bear I'm sorry."

I looked next to me, still wrapped in Eli's embrace, still holding Eli to me, and looked up.

"Sorry doesn't cut it this time." I mumbled then buried my head back in Eli's chest.

"Clare I still love both of you the same as I did back then. I know what I did was stupid of me now." Jason said sadly.

I moved away from Eli and turned towards Jason.

"Stupid? Jason really? More like psycho and hurtful. I don't know how you did that and what's worse is that I still love you just the same. Don't get me wrong I hate you none the less."

Jason looked at me, grabbed my arm and rolled up my sleeve.

"You still do this Clare?"

I rolled up his.

"You still do it too."

"Does she still do it as well?" Jason asked sadly.

"I don't know I haven't asked her, but if she does it's still your fault. We both loved you and you not only betrayed, but broke the both of us and I'm the twisted one that believes in forgiveness." I choked on a sob.

"I'm sorry; I'll scream it to the heavens to prove it just let me back in Clare bear." Jason begged.

I shook my head. "I've changed."

"What's that supposed to mean? How much have you changed."

I stayed silent.

"I don't know how Clare was back then, I've known her for almost a week now and she never lets anyone in, I'm almost in, but I feel like I have a long way to go still before she fully trusts me, the only ones that I know who are fully inside are Adam, Mia, and Peter.-"

"The only person that I talk to that I've fully opened up to is Lily." I stated Eli looked at me with a shocked expression.

"I am still trying to get her to open up and I'm not stopping." Eli stated

I looked over to him and hugged him tightly.

"Eli if I let you fully inside please don't hurt me."

"I won't Clare I like you too much."

I pulled away.

What was that last part?"

"I don't know what I just said I forgot that quickly." Eli looked around.

"Eli please tell me, I'm not in the mood to argue."

"I like you too much Clare."

I looked into Eli's eyes and moved between him and Jason.

"Eli meet Jason, Jason meet Eli." I motioned between them.

"Jason here used to date Lily; we were like a family in middle school." I started to shake my head remembering the past. "Jason held us together like glue." I chocked and Eli held me again.

"Continue."

I shook my head.

"It gets worse Eli."

"I can handle it."

"Like I said Jason held us together like glue he'd-" I sobbed more.

"I used to keep them two alive I felt like their life line." Jason admitted "When things got bad Clare and Lily would give in. Clare took her parents advice way too often and a few times overdosed on whatever drugs they threw at her."

Eli pulled me away from him and looked at me. I kept my head down, he lifted my face and my eyes met his.

"Is this true?"

I nodded at him.

"Most of the time I was lucky that they threw Tylenol at me." I stated

"So is that why you continue to cut?" Eli asked

I nodded, and then he pulled me into another hug.

"Her parents are brutal, I've visited and they used to say how much of a mistake Clare is, how much they hate her, and things like that."

"They still do." I added.

"We tried to run away, just the three of us. As you can tell we failed."

"The worst day of my life was January 5th. Jason's funeral. I still have the images burned into my head."

"I made the stupid mistake of faking my own death." Jason admitted.

I pulled away from Eli and looked at him.

"Now you know everything about me, do you still want to continue being my friend?"

"Clare I don't just want to be your friend." Eli replied

"I don't know if I want to date. Even though I fully let you in I don't want to take the chance of getting hurt Eli."

"Clare I promise not to hurt you and I promise to protect you as much as I can."

I nodded and cried more.

"Clare will you go out with me?"

"Eli I'm broken are you sure you want to date someone who's as broken as I am?'

"Clare I don't care about your past and I like you, though I'm sure you're not broken if you are I do my best to fix you and make your life better." Eli lifted my head and looked me in the eyes "Clare Edwards just please do me the honors of being my girlfriend."

I nodded as tears fell from my eyes and Eli kissed me sweetly.

My phone started to ring.

"Hello?" I answered

"Good you skipped school?"

"No I'm in front of it with Jason you know best friend for 3 and a half years in middle school." I replied as I looked at the ground.

"Oh yea he died didn't he?"

"He faked his own death." I stated

"Ha more proof people don't like you."

"That's not why he did that, remember he never let Lily and I die?"

"Well I'm calling to check in to see if you were dead."

"No I'm not dead thank you very much." I stated coldly

"Well anyway we'll be home soon sadly."

"Can't you just stay longer?" I groaned

"No I've tried trust me if I could stay longer I would."

"Try harder, if you want something you have to try to get it." I said angrily

"Well I've been trying to get rid of you and it's been unsuccessful."

"I hate you."

"Good because I hate you too, but I bought you something."

"What might that be? A noose?"

"No you wouldn't use it. I bought you a new knife to cut yourself with."

"Really does mom know you bought me that?"

"She doesn't care. She thinks I'm joking, but hey I have a sharpener too and a lighter because we know how you like to play it safe as much as I hate it."

"Well then if you want me to die so much why don't you kill me yourself?" I asked just as cold if not more

"Too much trouble and you're not worth it. I hate you."

"I hate you too dad and I don't look forward to you coming home."

"That makes two of us see you in a few days, sadly."

I hung up the phone and started walking back and forth pacing around as thoughts ran through my head telling me to cut myself. I didn't have my knife; not only that Eli and Jason were watching me. I tugged the bottom of my sleeves and groaned angrily a little, I started to move my arms to my chest, then back to my sides and I gripped my pants, then let them go as I paced and groaned angrily. Jason came in and grabbed my shoulder.

"Clare look at me." he demanded

I looked at him all emotions I was feeling clearly visible in my eyes.

"It's ok Clare everything's going to be ok."

"Everything's not going to be ok! Everything's never going to be ok!" I yelled

Jason pulled me into a hug and I hit his chest, I pounded on it and he did nothing.

"Shh Clare it's ok, just cry let it out."

I cried on his chest for a few minutes then pushed him away.

"No I can't let him win. I refuse. I refuse. I can't do this."

I walked away from the school backwards so I was still facing a shocked Eli and a very apathetic Jason.

"Eli now that you've seen the girl behind the façade. It's not too late to end it." I yelled as tears still continued to fall.

I turned around and walked I hadn't even made it to the gate before Eli caught up with me and turned me around to face him.

"Clare like I told you before I like you too much. I don't care who you are and I want to get to know you better. How about we skip school and you tell me everything? I'm not going to leave you. You're my girlfriend I just need to learn how to be there for you like Jason was. Watching him hold you hurt, but I learned how to calm you down."

I nodded at him.

"We should bring Jason, he can tell you what I have trouble saying."

Eli took my hand and we walked back to Jason.

"Clare and I are skipping you should come we need to talk, just the three of us." Eli stated

Jason looked at me and I nodded.

"Ok" Jason replied

We walked to Morty in silence. Eli still holding my hand as if he were afraid to let me go; Jason followed us.

"Mind if I get in the back of your hearse?" Jason asked Eli.

I looked up at him puzzled, but shrugged it off. Eli opened my door for me and shut it once I was inside I jumped when he did., then let Jason in the back, and got in on his side, started the hearse, and we were on our way to who knows where.

"So where are we going?" I asked softly.

"The park, it's nice and peaceful this time of day."

I looked back to see Jason sprawled out sleeping. Eli held my hand rubbing it while we drove. It didn't take us long to get there.

"Hey man we're here." Eli said looking at Jason.

I looked back at Jason who was still sleeping and hit him in the head.

"What the hell!" He exclaimed

"We're here time to wake up." I announced

Eli walked out of the car and let him out, and then I hopped out, shut my door, and walked to the back as Eli closed the hatch.

"I would've opened your door for you."

"I know Eli, but I'm fine."

Eli nodded, took my hand again, and led the three of us to a secluded area. Eli sat down against a tree, pulled me in between his legs, wrapped his arms around me in a warm embrace, and I laid my head against his chest. Jason sat next to us.

"So tell me how this all started."

"Alli had just left and it was the first day of middle school, I had gotten a paper cut and the pain felt good, which I knew wasn't normal, but I wanted more. I went to the bathroom and started to cut myself. I cried as I did and crying felt good. I was raised in a house where crying showed weakness and that if you cry with no reason you'll get a reason to cry, so I never cried."

Eli's embrace tightened a little.

"Lily walked in on me cutting my wrist with a compass and said she does that too, she took out a piece of glass and started to cut herself in front of me not caring if I saw or not. She took out another piece and gave it to me. I looked at her in confusion, she told me it was sterile and I put it away for safe keeping. I realized I had on short sleeves and Lily gave me a pair of arm warmers to put on so I didn't get in trouble. We became friends ever since.-"

"I met both girls at lunch time, they were giggling and laughing like nothing was wrong so I joined them and we instantly became best friends. We shared everything when I found out that both of the girls cut themselves I revealed my cuts too.-" Jason added

"Months later someone told the guidance counselor the three of us cut ourselves and we were placed in counseling every day after school." I shook my head at the memories and Eli held me and kissed my temple

"They classified the three of us and mentally unstable. We would break down in the middle of sessions much like Clare broke down today. We each figured out what the other needs, with Clare it was love and the since of belonging since neither one of her parents give a damn about her so to hugging her helps a lot, though she may seem like she's fine and blends in at school, she makes herself stand out a little because of her rebellious attitude at times. Clare is sweet and innocent at times, but she's not afraid to tell anyone off, she's pure, kind, gentle, and caring about other. Lily is her opposite, she's dangerous, she'll live in the moment not caring what happens to her, she only cares about those who she's extremely close to like Clare, if you hurt Clare in anyway Lily will physically hurt you, she's also sweet like Clare, but once you do something to make her mad you're done for her weakness is gripping her up by the shoulders, looking her in the eyes, and talking to her through your teeth, somehow feigning angry like that calms her down. Mine I don't let people calm me down I just run."

I looked up at Eli who seemed deep in thought.

"Are you ok?" I asked quietly

Eli nodded and embraced me tightly.

"One night when I was on the phone with Clare and Lily three way, she was in the living room telling us about a movie we should all go see together and her dad started yelling at her about some bullshit, I didn't hear much, but he was saying about how there was a small piece of paper on the floor she forgot to pick up and things escalated from there. I heard things being broken and stuff being thrown over said small piece of paper that he probably put off the floor. Clare hung up once she remembered Lil and I were still on the line. I called her back an hour later and her dad said he was standing over her body waiting for her to die, that she overdosed on something he threw at her. I of course yelled at him and told him to save her; in return he told me she wasn't worth saving and to let her die. I called the ambulance Clare was put on suicide watch after having her stomach pumped."

"I don't understand how a parent can be so horrible to their child." Eli stated sadly.

"I'm used to it now." I replied back softly.

"That's the thing Clare you shouldn't be used to it. Is that why you cut yourself?"

I nodded "Basically it helps me feel the pain that I put my parents through, it also allows me to feel since I block all my feelings to deal with life at home sometimes I go through the day without feeling anything at all."

"Clare you said your dad hasn't hit you at all, but Jason mentioned he threw things."

"Not at me."

"Technically he hasn't hit her. He went on a rampage one time and threw stuff in every direction and when Clare unknowingly walked in the door she got hit with a book Lil and I were on the phone with her at the time."

"I'm so sorry, but I promise to not let you go through this Clare-bear."

"Eli there's nothing you can do."

"I can try Clare; I'm not letting your life be a living hell."

I nodded knowing there's nothing I can say or do to make Eli think differently.

"Well I know where we are and I'm going to get some food." Jason said as he stood

"Need a ride?" Eli asked

"No."

I nuzzled myself against Eli.

"Please don't let me go" I mumbled

"I promise you I'll never let you go" Eli responded as he kissed my head

I nuzzled against Eli and fell asleep.

When I woke up I was in the back of Morty with Eli sleeping next to me and his arm was around me. I closed my eyes and drifted back off to sleep.

"Clare it's time to wake up" Eli cooed

"Mmm"

"Clare are you hungry?"

I shook my head.

"You don't eat much do you?"

"Huh?"

"Well sometimes you don't come to school with a lunch and when I take you to the Dot for lunch you only eat half a burger and some fries or you just eat a few cheese fries."

"I ate yesterday."

"A half a piece of pizza doesn't count as lunch, but you did eat a good dinner I'll give you that."

"If you're hungry we can go to my house and I'll cook for you."

Eli looked at me puzzled.

"No one's home." I stated.

Eli nodded "Ok."

We got out the back, went in the front seats, and Eli drove to my house.

Once we got inside Eli sat on the couch as I went into the kitchen. I checked the time and it was 3pm meaning school was out.

"What do you want for dinner?" I asked.

"Dinner?" Eli asked in shock.

"It's 3." I announced.

"Um I don't care."

"How about chicken fingers with macaroni and cheese, and some green beans, does that sound good?"

"Does that mean you're eating too?"

"Mmhmm"

"I'm going to call my mom to let her know I'll be here I'll be right back."

"Ok I'll cook."

I made dinner as Eli called his mom. By the time he was off the phone the food was almost done since it didn't take long to cook. We ate and talked, talking gave me time to know more about Eli. He comes from a loving family with supportive parents, opposite of what I have.

After eating we cleaned up the dinner mess, cuddled, and watched a movie. Eli left at 9:30 and I went to bed at ten.

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	8. Flight On Broken Wings

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN DEGRASSI, however I do own a laptop and webcam**

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I woke up two hours early. Eli's taking me to school again. I can't wait. I took a shower and got ready. I put on a nice dress Mia had bought me from our shopping trip. I got out of the shower, dried off, and got dressed. I looked myself over and threw on a light jacket. I put on some black flats and ran downstairs.

"Morning Clare, you're awfully cheery and it's only six am. You're up a whole hour early and not depressed." My dad stated

"Oh, it's so nice of you to notice that you actually give a damn about me."

"Well I don't see why you get to be happy while I'm not."

"That's your fault that you aren't happy not mine. I'm sick and tired of you dragging me down dad." I snarled

My dad got up and walked over to me, I backed up against the wall as he put his hand on the wall near my head.

"What are you going to do hit me? Oh wait you're too much of a coward. I hate you dad seriously. I hate you're entire being everything about you means nothing. You're not my dad." I said as I looked in his eyes mine full of anger and hate more than his.

I heard my dad growl and then slap me. I slapped him back.

"You do not hit me." I growled

"I don't know who you think you are, but I will not, I repeat I will not let you talk to me like that."

I kept my ground and held my face.

"I'll talk to you any way I want because you aren't going to do anything about it and besides we don't have enough money for boot camp." I smiled at the last part knowing it's true.

My dad looked at me and threw me on the ground. He kicked at my ribs a few times, picked me up by my hair and hurled me against the wall; my shoulder hit the wall hard. I turned my back against the wall, placed my hands against it. I took a plate and lunged it at my dad's head, hitting him in the forehead; he threw me on the floor and started kicking me repetitively. I couldn't move, but I did ask for it. I got up moments later, barely able to stand and my dad gripped me up by my shoulders tightly and shoved me against the wall.

"If I would've known hitting you were this fun I would've did this years ago." he spat.

I went up to my room, put on some cover up, and walked back down for breakfast. My dad wasn't in the room, so I took a bottle of soda and made a fried egg sandwich not knowing where my mom was and too afraid to ask as I finished it. I checked the time it's now 6:00am Eli still has half an hour I groaned and started to think of the twisted idea of waking up two hours early. I heard my dad come down the stairs and not a moment too soon I heard screamo music outside. I ran to the best of my ability doing the best to push aside all the pain I was in, opened the door, locked it, and did my best to make it look like nothing was wrong as I got into Morty.

Eli looked at me confused I just faintly smiled at him as he started to drive off. I was in so much pain it was getting harder for me not to show it.

"Are you ok Clare?"

"For now, my parents are back and you're early."

"I thought I'd spend some time with you, you know get to know you more." Eli said as he parked on the side of the road

I nodded as realized I forgot my purse and started to fidget more.

"What happened to you?" he asked

"Nothing happened Eli. I'm just…I don't know."

Eli was now next to me, he rubbed my cheek with his thumb causing me to hiss at the pain as I shifted my body, he jumped a little, and I slowly leaned into his touch.

"Clare you shouldn't jump when I touch you."

"I got hurt this morning, but I'm fine." I lied

We both inched ourselves closer together, our lips now centimeters apart, finally they touch, the kiss is full of love and passion, it's sweet yet meaningful. Eli's tongue started to caress my tongue and I move closer to him more, and his hand moved around my waist causing me to pull away and tears started to fall from the pain.

"Clare you're hurt let me see."

I shook my head.

"Eli I forgot my purse I have to go home for a minute."

Eli moved back to his seat and starting Morty again. We're now off to my house.

It didn't take us long to arrive, I got out, unlocked the door, and walked as best as I could inside.

"Back for more?" my dad asked

"Na-No I-I just forgot my purse. Here it is I'm leaving now." I hissed as I bent over in pain. Bending over made my side hurt twenty times worse.

I closed the door and limped back outside the pain is now unbearable to walk. Eli noticed and rushed around to help me.

"Clare what happened?"

"I got into a small accident with my dad earlier I thought I was fine." I lied again. I couldn't just tell Eli _Oh my dad kicked my ribs in and beat the hell out of me earlier._

Eli nodded probably because both Jason and I have told him my parents have never hit me, which to say that now would be a lie.

"Want me to take you to the doctors?" Eli asked concerned

I shook my head. "Just to school."

Eli helped me into Morty and then got in on his side. We drove to school listening to music and Eli held my hand rubbing the back of it with his thumb the entire time. When we arrived at school Eli parked in the closest open spot he can find to the school.

"Eli this isn't your parking spot." I said

"I know it's closer so you don't have to limp much."

"Thank you."

Eli smirked at me.

"Stay there I'll help you out don't move."

I nodded and listened, I don't know why I listened because I usually do the opposite of what I'm told.

Eli opened the door and helped me out grabbing my waist and my hand. Once out of Morty Eli wrapped one arm around my waist so he could hold me up, he threw my purse over his shoulder, I wrapped my arm around his neck, he kissed me chastely, and we started to walk, well I limped.

I balanced myself with Eli's help as we walked up towards the school.

As we entered the school everyone stared. Adam was the first to come up to us.

"What the hell happened to you Clare?"

"I got into a small accident with my dad I thought I was fine." I replied.

"It's more like you got hit by a Mac Truck." Adam stated

Jason walked over to us followed by Alli.

"Clare what the hell happened to you?"

"She got into a small accident with her dad this morning." Eli stated

"Bullshit." Jason retorted seeing through my lie

We all looked up at him even Alli did; only Alli looked like she was going to kill him.

"Since when do you spend time with your parents?" Jason asked with his arms crossed

I shrugged my shoulders.

"Since when Clare?"

"Today?" I said more like I was asking.

I looked at everyone and they all had their eyes on me. I moved Eli's arm from around me and limped away from all of them holding my side. I started to walk to my locker in pain and a few minutes later Eli was next to me holding me back up.

"Clare I'm not here to interrogate you just let me help you."

I nodded and let Eli resume helping me, I was in less pain when he helped. We made it to my locker and then to English where Eli helped me sit, then took his seat in front of me and turned around as I got my books out of my bag.

"Clare I have a question."

I bit my pen and nodded.

"You said you started cutting in middle school right?" Eli whispered

I nodded leaving my pen in my mouth.

"Well Alli told me when she looked at your arm during the summer there were no marks." Eli continued to whisper

I bit my pen again, and then removed it.

"That's because I stopped in 8th right after Jason's supposed death. There's also medicine to make scars fade Eli." I stated then bit on my pen again.

"Smart."

I nodded.

The bell rang and Mrs. Dawes entered the classroom, I looked next to me and sure enough Adam was there. I watched at Mrs. Dawes took her seat.

"Ms. Edwards can you come here for a moment."

Eli turned towards me and I shrugged not knowing what she wanted. I did the best to get out of my seat on my own. I quickly lost balance and Eli caught me as I held onto my side. The whole class gasped.

"Mr. Goldsworthy take Clare to the nurse or the doctor she obviously isn't ok and I'll call the principal."

Eli nodded, set me in my chair, picked up our things, helped me up, and carried me out of the class room as everyone watched.

"Eli put me down." I demanded

Eli smirked and chuckled.

"I don't find this amusing."

"Clare, one you're hurt very badly, two you're my girlfriend now and you better believe I'm going to take care of you the best to my ability."

I sighed. Eli put me down once we got to our lockers and he threw our stuff inside his; minus my pocketbook; before I could even open mine, then he picked me back up. I tightened my grip around Eli and turned my head as he walked backwards out the double doors and faced forward to walk down the steps.

Once we got to Morty Eli put me down, unlocked and opened the door, then helped me inside. I watched as Eli entered on his side, started Morty up, and then pulled out of the school.

"Where are we going?" I asked

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but we my dear are going to the hospital."

"Can't we just skip school for the day and say we went or something?" I asked not wanting to go.

"Clare we have to, you can't walk, you're in a shit load of pain, and you almost fell in class."

"Fine then can you please slow down."

"No you're not dying on me Clare, not like her." Eli stated tears forming in his eyes

"Eli, Eli I'm not going anywhere I promise and like whom?"

"Julia she was my best friend before I met Adam. She liked me and I thought I liked her too, but when we first kissed it didn't feel right so I broke up with her. I encouraged her to date and promised her I wouldn't date knowing how much it'll hurt her. She spent some nights at my house when she got fed up with her step-mom and her boyfriend hated the idea of her sleeping in my room even though we slept in two different beds and both of us wore pajamas. They got into a heated argument and she ran out into the rain with my keys to Morty I caught up with her and took my keys telling her no one drives him, but me. She took her bike and sped off. I got into Morty and tried looking for her. I see her on her bike and before I knew it she got hit by a car. I jumped out immediately and she died in my arms. Just like that she was gone. I had lost my best friend. I moved here a little after her death."

"Eli, I know how you feel believe me I do, but I'm not going anywhere I'm not dying on you."

Eli slowed down and started driving the speed limit, he held my hand the whole way to the hospital. Once we were there Eli parked Morty.

"Stay here I'll be right back" Eli said in a hurry

I stayed put again for some god awful reason I felt like I had to listen to him so I stayed put and watched as he ran off to who knows where. A few minutes later Eli came back with a wheelchair and opened my door pushing the wheelchair up to me leaving me no choice.

"Do I have to get in it?" I asked looking at the chair.

"Depends, do you want me to carry you?"

I hopped in the chair and Eli chuckled. I rolled my eyes as he moved me out of the way so he can shut the door.

Eli rolled me into the hospital as I put my elbow on the arm and propped my head up with my hand.

"Sir those are used for patients." The security inside the door announced

"She can't walk." Eli said

"I can so walk it just hurts I got into an accident earlier" I said looking at the security guard "and my boyfriend here is over protective." I said to Eli

Eli bent down over the back of the chair as the security guard allowed us past and whispered "It's my job to be over protective of you." in my ear.

I shrugged it off, the good thing is he knows he's over protective, but the bad thing is I don't know how over protective he could be.

When we got to the front desk Eli turned my chair to the side and leaned on the top of it.

"Can I help you?" The receptionist asked

"Yes my girlfriend here had an accident of some sort and I just want to get her checked out." Eli stated

"Can you tell me what happened?" The receptionist asked me

"Well my over protective boyfriend drug me here against my will to get checked out because I'm in pain when I would very much like to sleep it off." I stated angrily.

"I mean how did you get hurt and it's good to have a boyfriend that looks after you."

"I got into a small accident with my dad earlier this morning." I stated

"Do you want to try to walk?"

"Not really."

"Can you?"

"Can Eli help?"

"Sure."

I reached for Eli as I tried to get up and he helped me. His one arm wrapped around my waist other around my neck, and my arm wrapped around his waist. I started to limp and hold my side in pain.

"Ok you can go back in the chair."

I sat back down again with Eli's help and we made our way to the front desk.

"Here fill this out." The receptionist handed me a clipboard with forms on it and Eli rolled me away.

I filled them out while we waited, once I was finished Eli took the clipboard and handed it in, then sat back down near me.

"Hungry?" Eli asked

"Yeah, just a little."

"There are vending machines right over there I could get you something."

I followed Eli's gaze to the machines and looked at them. There was one that had candy, one that had meals or something, and another that had drinks.

"I'll take a bag of candy and a Sprite."

"Did you eat breakfast?"

I nodded.

"Ok."

I watched as Eli walked over to the machines, inserted money, and made selections. He walked back with two bags of M&M's, a bag of Sour Patch Kids, and a bag of Reese Pieces, a bag of Sweetish Fish, a Sprite, and a Cola.

"Here." He said handing me bags of candy and my Sprite keeping only the Cola and a bag of M&M's for himself.

"One bag of candy would've been fine, but thank you."

"I didn't know what one to get."

I set the Sprite in between my legs and I put the candy on my lap.

"Clare Edwards." A nurse called

Eli stood up, handed me his things which I graciously took, and wheeled me to her. I smiled at her.

"Right this way."

We followed the nurse into a small room, much like the ones used for checkups, only without beds. There was a computer, a counter with cabinets over it, a scale used to weigh babies, an actual scale, a machine used to take your blood pressure and monitor your heart rate, and chairs. Eli set me near him; the nurse sat down and wheeled herself near me.

"Tell me where it hurts."

"My left side."

She pushed gently on my left side and I hissed in pain.

"It's very tender do you have shorts on under your dress?"

I shook my head.

"Ok I'll go get you a pair. Small, medium, or large?"

"Small."

Eli and I watched as the nurse left and he took his drink and bag of candy.

"I hate hospitals." Eli announced as he emptied some M&Ms in his hand then popped them in his mouth.

"Then why did you bring me here?"

"I didn't really have a choice you're hurt badly and there's nothing the school nurse could do."

I nodded knowing that if I would've gone to the school nurse she'd just give me pain killers and have me lay down. Moments later the nurse was back.

"Ok here put these on." She said handing me a pair of scrub pants, then turned to leave.

"Um can you help me?" I blushed

"Are you sure you, look like you have help right there." she said looking at Eli.

"I'm sure" I said to her. "Eli can you please leave the room?"

Eli smiled at me, kissed my head, and got up.

"I'll be right outside come get me once you're done."

I smiled back and watched him leave, closing the door behind him. The nurse walked over to me and helped me up. I leaned on her as I did my best putting on the pants, once they were on I sat back down and she let Eli back inside.

When Eli sat down the nurse sat back in her wheel chair and wheeled over to me.

"Ok can you lift up your dress so I can see?"

I nodded and lifted my dress, not only revealing tons of bruises, but also revealing a sunken rib cage. I looked to Eli and his eyes were wide and he was shocked to say the least.

"Clare what kind of accident did you get into?"

I started to think.

"We went out to breakfast and my dad hit a pole." I lied again Eli nodded.

"I'll be right back I need a doctor to look at you."

I watched as the nurse walked away as I let the hem of my dress fall back on my lap.

"I can't believe this happened and your dad didn't even help you where was your mom?" Eli asked concerned

"I don't know I haven't seen her at all this morning."

The doctor came in and I watched as she moved me towards her and sat down in front of me.

"Can I see your marks?"

I nodded and once again lifted my dress. The doctor didn't touch them at all she just looked and made some notes trying not to show expression on her face, but clearly showed it in her eyes; which own sadness, pain, remorse, and shock.

"I'm going to take you to a room and clear out the x-ray." The doctor stated.

Eli followed us as the doctor wheeled me down a hallway and into an emergency hospital room. She moved me as close to the stretcher as possible. Eli picked me up and put me on the bed, he sat next to me and I leaned on his shoulder as the doctor left.

"Put this on please." The nurse said as she handed me a hospital gown.

"Eli turn your head."

Eli obliged and turned his head as I put on a hospital gown with my jacket over top.

"Ok you can look now." I stated once I was finished.

Eli turned his head towards me and I laid down in the bed.

"You can lay with me if you want."

Eli looked me in the eyes and nodded, he put his arm around me and we just laid there. Moments later a doctor knocked on the door.

"Come in." I announced

"Hi I understand you're under age, but do you have a parent or guardian to sign for you so you can get the x-ray?"

I shook my head. "Would I be fine without one?" I asked concerned

"I don't know, how's the pain?"

"It hurts a lot, but I'm slowly getting used to not moving."

"I can only give you Tylenol since you don't have an adult with you."

"How old does the adult have to be?" I asked out of curiosity.

"In emergency cases like this one we usually ask that the care taker would be sixteen."

I faced Eli with a smile and he smiled back, then I turned to the doctor.

"Eli's sixteen."

"Are you related to Ms. Edwards in anyway?"

"He's my boyfriend can't you just give him the papers?"

The doctor stood still for a moment, but gave Eli the papers.

"Since Clare signed herself in and you're signing yourself as caretaker if she stays overnight you'll be able to stay with her or if you chose to go home you'll be her emergency contact."

Eli nodded and started to fill out the consent forms. "Since I'm her caretaker does that mean I'll be able to go back with her when she has the x-rays done?"

"I'm sorry it does not, but you will be allowed to wait outside the room and help us if need be."

Eli nodded and handed back the papers. "Can you give Clare some pain medication now?"

The doctor nodded, put a code into one of the cabinets, opened it, took out a bottle of pills, read the label, got a glass of water, and walked over to me.

"It's Vicodin it's a narcotic so your pain will subside quickly, it may make you drowsy."

I nodded as I took the pills, popped them in my mouth, took the water, and swallowed them. I handed back the empty cup and a nurse walked into the room.

"Are we ready?" She asked

"We are." The doctor stated

The doctor left as the nurse took over. Eli hopped off the bed as the nurse lifted to breaks off the bed and started to walk.

"I'm the x-ray technician, my name is Natalie. I was told your left ribs aren't too good."

I nodded as the medicine kicked in.

We made our way to the x-ray room and Eli waited outside as Natalie wheeled me in.

"I'm sorry, but we'll have to move you onto the metal bed."

I nodded and did my best to move on my own, Natalie helped me.

When I was fully on the bed she had me lay on my back, put a few weights on me so the machine would only get the pictures it needed. I did what she asked of me and after a few positions and tons of pictures we were finished. I moved back into my bed and fell asleep.

I woke up to my cell phone ringing. I looked around and Eli was lying next to me watching TV.

"Eli could you pass me my cell phone?"

Eli nodded and handed me my purse.

"My phone not my purse." I said as I went in it.

"I don't go through purses sorry Clare." Eli chuckled

I rolled my eyes and handed him my purse.

"Hello?" I answered

"Where are you?" My dad asked on the other end

"Excuse me?"

"Well it is lunch time there is it not?"

I looked at the time and indeed it was.

"Y-yes sir why do you ask?" My voice broken

"Well because I was going to pick you up at school, but you aren't there so tell me where are you."

I know he'd flip if I tell him the truth.

"I-I'm out with Eli." I replied nervously Eli looked down and entwined our fingers.

"Is Eli a boy?"

I giggled a little. "No dad Eli just happens to be a girl." My voiced was filled with sarcasm Eli chuckled

"Knock it off with the sarcasm it's not cute."

"Y-yes sir."

"So where are you and this boy."

"We're not at school." I stated the obvious

"I know that how did you leave school."

"He drives."

"So you hopped in a car with some random boy to go who knows where?" My dad yelled

"Eli's not some boy dad, he's my boyfriend."

"Who said you could date?"

"No one, but last time I checked you didn't care."

"Well I just wanted to check and make sure you didn't tell anyone about this morning."

"I told them the truth which is you went to take me out to breakfast this morning at 5:30 before you had work and you hit a pole on the way back."

"Good girl. Now tell me where you are, and this Eli."

"Promise you won't be mad."

"Clare I won't be mad after you told them that lie."

"I-I'm at the hospital."

"And they believed your lie."

"Yes sir Eli signed papers as my caretaker so I had x-rays done. I didn't get them back yet."

"Ok good girl. I'll see you later when you get home. You remember the insurance your on right? We don't need the extra bills."

"I put down the insurance."

"Good. We'll talk when you get home."

"O-ok."

"I hate you."

"I hate you too dad."

I hung up and that was it.

"So he does care about you." Eli smirked

"Only when he wants something." I said dryly.

"We got your pictures back Ms. Edwards." The doctor stated holding a brown folder.

Eli shut the TV off and we both watched as he walked to the white thing used to view the pictures with the light on it. He clipped two pictures to it and turned on the light.

"As you can see from the two pictures Clare your left rib cage is severely damaged-"

"Her middle and lower ribs are broken in two I think that's more than severely damaged!" Eli yelled

"Eli let the doctor finish."

"As I was saying we're happy to announce that your rib cage will fix itself in due time. We're prescribing you Vicodin as well as Tylenol when you're in school. You are to use a wheel chair because we don't want your lower ribs puncturing any organs, you insurance will cover the chair, you can stand when you take a shower, but take it easy we don't need you falling and injuring yourself more. Now how fast was your dad driving when he hit the pole and were you seat belted?"

I didn't know what to say.

"I don't know and yes I was seat belted."

The doctor nodded. "Well get you a wheel chair and discharge papers as well as your prescription would you like them filled here?"

"Please." I said

"They'll be bought to you before you leave. A different doctor will come in, bandage you up and show you how to bandage yourself when need be."

I nodded and he walked away.

"I don't see how your dad wouldn't be hurt from the accident if your hurt this bad."

I shrugged as all my thoughts went back to this morning, sure the pain gradually worsened, but I didn't think my dad would kick me hard enough not only to bruise my ribs, but to break them as well. What's even worse is Lily's plane arrives tomorrow. I now have an abusive dad who's probably going to continue hitting me once I get home, broken ribs, a wheel chair, and a best friend who's due here sometime tomorrow after school. Just my luck. I started to cry at the thought.

"Clare what's wrong?" Eli asked

"Everything."

Eli embraced me in a hug as I cried.

"I'm sorry to interrupt you two, but I need to get these bandages on Clare." A doctor said as she walked in with tons of ace bandages.

"I'll be right outside if you need me."

I nodded and Eli kissed me sweetly.

After Eli left he shut the door behind him and the doctor sat on my bed.

"Ok I'm going to need you to turn your left side towards me and lift your shirt."

I did as asked because I had to.

"What you're going to do is wrap this around you first. Like so."

She put her hands around me and put a heavy thick cottony thing around me it felt like a furry brace that clipped in the front it was tight too. There was less than an inch room between it and my bra.

"Is it too tight?"

"No, but is it supposed to be tight?"

"Yes this device is what we call a rib cast just like we'd put a cast on you if you broke your arm it's simply to help the bones heal and stay in place."

"Ok"

"Now we're going to add ace bandages just as extra precaution this will start right below your bra and go over top of it and stop at your stomach."

I watched her hands as she wrapped it around me covering the skin below my bra, covering the cast, and going past to my stomach. I could feel the tightness of the ace bandage around my skin, but I wouldn't feel it around the cast. I watched as the doctor got up and put things in a small bag.

"Your cast and bandages should come off when you shower, but put back on immediately since you'll be wet you might want to put some sort of fabric or something in between you and the cast, but it shouldn't be thick. The cast will make your skin itch, but if you decide to scratch at your skin in the shower you'll be in intense pain and could hurt yourself more. I'm putting a paper in here that will remind you of that. You'll have to come back here in eight weeks just to see how well you're healing and during that time we'll determine how long you will need to remain in the cast."

"Thank you." I mumbled as the doctor handed me the bag

"You're welcome."

I watched as she walked out letting Eli in.

"All better?" he asked

"I don't feel pain and the cast is helping."

"That's good. I'm glad you're feeling somewhat better."

I smiled up at him weakly and the doctor walked in pushing a black wheel chair that looked brand new.

"Ok I have your discharge papers right here as well as your prescription and your wheel chair as well." the doctor said as he handed me my papers and my medicine.

"Thank you." I replied

The doctor nodded.

"I am assuming you drive?" He said looking at Eli

"Yes Dr. I do drive."

"Ok I'll need you to pull the car around to the front of the hospital after Ms. Edwards gets dressed. I assume you'll be helping her change?"

"I don't need any help getting dressed I wore a dress here so it won't be hard to put back on."

"Ms. Edwards you are allowed up to six refills for four months do not take more than four pills a day. Did you sign your discharge paper yet?"

I nodded and handed it to him.

"Thank you and you're free to get dressed."

The doctor walked out and shut the door behind him and Eli immediately turned around.

"Let me know when you're done so I can get a nurse."

I changed into my dress and slipped on my flats, this time I zipped up my jacket when I put it on.

"Ok Eli I'm done."

Eli turned around and smiled at me.

"Ok now let's get you into this chair so we can eat."

Eli wheeled the chair over to me, helped me in it, and we started to walk away after making sure we had everything, once we were sure we did we left. We passed a nurse heading to my room and she took over pushing me so Eli could bring Morty around front.

When we got to the doors Eli was already waiting inside Morty parked against the curb.

"Do you see him?" The nurse asked as soon as we got outside

"Yes he's in the hearse over there." I said as I pointed to it.

"Oh my." She mumbled as she started walking

I giggled. "Yup good ol' Morty"

"He named it."

"It's his baby."

Eli stood outside the passenger of Morty when the nurse and I got there.

"So Blue-Eyes where do you want to eat at?" Eli asked as the nurse continued pushing me

"Surprise me?"

"Ok then it's a surprise."

Eli opened the passenger door and the nurse pushed the chair as close as she could towards the passenger seat. Eli helped me up as the nurse held the wheelchair. Eli kissed my head once I was standing and helped me into Morty. When I got inside the nurse folded my wheelchair which I'm confined to for the next two months, Eli put it in the back, got in on his side, and we pulled off.

"Are your parents going to take care of you at home?" Eli asked

"I doubt it, but that's not until later."

"Well I don't want to worry about you being neglected so my parents said it would be perfectly fine for you to stay with us."

"So I get an air mattress?"

"Nope you're my girlfriend you have the luxury of sleeping in my bed with me. I want to make sure you're ok."

I nodded knowing Eli wouldn't start anything because I'm hurt and because of my purity ring.

"I told my parents you're hurt so they know we won't be doing anything."

"Ok, what about my clothes?"

"I'll get them while you wait with my mom."

I nodded not wanting to mention my home life too much.

For lunch Eli took me to a small restaurant it was nice and quiet unlike the Dot. We talked about what the next few months had in store. I, of course, would be showering alone, but Eli said he'd stay right outside and if he felt the need he'd break down the door to get to me if he had to. I smiled at the thought of having someone care that much about me.

We're on our way to Eli's right now and I'm nervous to meet his parents. He told me they're pretty cool, but I always get nervous.

"Ok we're here." Eli announced.

His house was big it was brick and had a red door. I jumped when Eli slammed his door shut since I wasn't paying attention. I heard the back hatch close and started to gather my purse when my door opened.

"Are you ready to go inside?"

I nodded and Eli helped me to my chair. Before I knew it we were already at the door, Eli threw it open, and then proceeded to lift the wheelchair with me inside it up the front step, and Eli wheeled me inside.

"Mom, dad we're home." Eli yelled.

I looked around as Eli moved me in the middle of the floor. I watched as his parents came down the stairs and joined us.

"I'm CeCe and this is Bullfrog." His mom I guess stated

"Nice to finally meet you Clare." Bullfrog announced

I looked up to Eli.

"Eli's told us so much about you." CeCe said happily

"H-he has?"

"Don't worry all of it good."

I smiled at her.

"Mom I'm going to leave Clare here with you while I get her clothes for the next few months."

"Ok dear drive safely."

Eli kissed my head before he left and I smiled up at him and watched him leave.

"So Eli told us you were in a car accident."

I nodded.

"We're just glad you're ok."

"Thank you for letting me stay here."

"It's ok dear Eli told us you have problems at home and since he talks about you all the time it'd give Bullfrog and I a chance to meet you."

"It's nice to meet both of you."

"You know you're Eli's first actual girlfriend."

"In all honesty Eli's my first boyfriend I've never dated before him."

"Why not you're a pretty girl I'm sure someone would've liked to date you." Bullfrog stated.

"I did get asked out, but refused them all. I didn't really feel the need or want to date especially since my past isn't so great. I was afraid of getting in a relationship and having the other person find out about me. Eli's great he knows my past and has accepted it as well."

"That's our Eli for you."

My phone started to ring cutting our conversation short.

"Hello?"

"Hi Love."

"Hey how are you and did you land?"

"No I didn't land yet, I'm still in the plain I'm just so very excited." Lily said sounding like she was hyperventilating.

"Babe, babe calm down you sound like you're hyperventilating."

"I can't help it I'm just so excited I tomorrow morning."

"That's great, what are your plans when you get here?"

"I don't know my parents sent me with all this money just in case."

"That's great babe use it for a hotel room for let's say two months."

"Why what's wrong Love."

"I'd rather not say, but you'll find out when you see me sometime in school. How's your sleep habit."

I'm pretty jet lagged and haven't even finished my flight actually."

"I can tell are you setting your body on a proper sleep schedule?"

"Kinda, I fall asleep here and there during your day."

"Well that basically means you'll have to miss a few days of school since we can't have you falling asleep in them."

"Did you hear anything from Jason?"

"He started Degrassi and I would've liked to kill him, could you believe that he got mad at me for giving him the cold shoulder?"

"What? You're kidding me."

"Babe would I joke about something like that?"

"Well no."

I heard the door open and watched Eli come in and I smiled at him. Bullfrog and CeCe left once Eli walked in.

"You don't joke like that love." Lily continued.

"Don't worry though babe everything's ok on the Jason part."

"Did he mention me?"

"Not really he mentions you and me as us, or we when talking about the three of us, but that's it. You're not planning on anything are you?"

Eli kissed me on the top of the head.

"Lily?" He asked looking at the phone.

I nodded "She's in an airplane."

Eli walked into the kitchen as I continued to talk.

"Love who is that boy I hear in the background? Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Babe I'll talk to you later I love you, bye."

I hung up.

"So when does she land?" Eli asked as he went into the fridge and took out some milk.

"Some time tomorrow morning, but she didn't get her body on a proper sleep schedule yet."

"Oh did you tell her about me? And are you thirsty?" Eli asked as he poured some milk

"Nope she'll flip out she's been trying to get me to date ever since her and Jason started dating. And no I'm not thirsty, but thanks for asking."

"Where will she be staying?"

"A hotel, how did it go with my dad."

Eli finished his milk and put the empty cup in the sink, then grinned in amusement.

"Well he hates my guts to say the least, he told me he wasn't allowing me to get your things so you could stay here, but I got them anyway, the whole time he yelled at me about you, the things he said made me want to punch him a thousand times over, you and Jason weren't kidding about your dad hating you."

"It was that bad."

Eli nodded and leaned on the counter. "Plus there was blood on your dining room wall care to explain?"

I thought about where the blood would be from and realized that it was from when my dad slapped me. I shook my head. Eli came and knelt before me on both of his knees.

"Clare you're going to have to tell me sometime."

"And when that time comes I'll tell you."

"Ok well, I'm taking your things to my room."

I nodded. Moments later Eli came back down and carried me to his room, put me on his bed, and went to fetch my wheelchair.

"Eli?" I asked once he put down the chair.

"Yes Blue Eyes?"

"Did you pack me pajamas I'm really tired."

"I did I'll get them for you."

I watched as Eli rummaged through my suitcase pushing my bras and panties aside. I blushed at the fact that Eli now knows what my undergarments look like. Once he handed me my pajamas I asked him to shut his door and turn around and he did. Like my room his has a bathroom in it only Eli's room is bigger. His room was painted black and it was clean, his blanket was black as well with a few white pillows. There were band posters all over the walls.

"You can turn around now." I stated once I was dressed in my long sleeve pajamas sitting on the bed.

I laid down as Eli turned around.

"Blue Eyes it's only five are you sure you want to sleep now?"

I nodded and Eli got in bed next to me.

"I'll cuddle with you until you fall asleep that way I know you're ok."

I nodded and Eli wrapped his arm around me. Moments later I fell asleep.

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**Please Review. This was by far the longest chapter I have written to date.**


	9. Risen

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi, but I do own Lily**

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I woke up in tons of pain. Eli had his arm around my waist and I was on my side, still sleepy. I looked around and noticed an air mattress at the foot of the bed and someone apparently sleeping on it, but I don't know who. I watched as the person turned around and it was none other than my Lily. I wanted to scream in excitement, but soon remembered everyone was sleeping. Eli rolled over on to his back, gripped my shirt, and pulled me so I was on his chest. I giggled a little, yawned, and went back to sleep to the sound of Eli's heartbeat.

"Mmm" I groaned as Eli stretched under me, I could see light through my eyelids as I kept them closed.

"Morning beautiful." he whispered

"Mmhmm" I replied, my eyes still closed.

Eli chuckled a little and I looked up at him, the light caused me to squint my eyes a little.

"How did you get Lily here?" I asked in a whisper remembering she's still sleeping.

"My parents."

"Keep going because I know she put up a fight and your parents let her stay?"

"She did put up a fight, my parents called and I made you move, you sound so cute when you whimper in your sleep." Eli chuckled the last part as he turned towards me making me move off his chest, I blushed. "You look so cute when you blush."

I felt my face heating up more making me blush what I assume is a deep shade of red. Eli chuckled and I buried my face in his shirt.

"What did I whimper?"

"You whimpered 'Mmm Eli let me sleep, I'm tired' into the phone so Lily heard you."

"And that alone convinced her?" I asked with a raised eyebrow

"Nope, but I sent her a picture of you sleeping, then one of my parents and I, then my parents had to show their ID."

I laughed "That's my Lily."

"And I'm your Eli."

"Which means I'm yours and Lily's Clare." I stated

Eli shook his head "Hn, I don't share."

I hit Eli's arm playfully. "Eli, Lily and I are both straight you know this."

"I know, but I still don't like sharing."

I rolled my eyes at him.

"How are you feeling?" Eli asked as he moved causing me to groan in pain. "That good eh?"

"I've been better." I giggled

"I'll go get your pain medicine." Eli stated

I tried to sit up on my own with no avail. I turned to my back and just laid there.

"Hey you." Lily said as she made her way to me.

"Hey to you too." I said softly

Lily sat next to me on Eli's side of the bed.

"Wanna sit?"

"Yea, but I'd need help." I said softly

Lily helped me to sit up, I let my head rest on her shoulder.

"tell me honestly, how did this happen? You better not lie to me Clare."

I nodded and stayed silent for a moment thinking of what to say.

"My dad got pissed." I mumbled

"He hit you?" Lily exclaimed

"And kicked." I said softly

Lily turned to me and hugged me gently, I hugged her back.

"Can we talk about something other than my dad?" I asked softly

"So you've got a boyfriend now."

I nodded "He's amazing, we've been dating for a few days, but we've talked a lot."

"You've become quite attached to him which is good you needed to open up to someone."

"I'm still afraid of getting hurt." I said

"If he hurts you I'll kill him." Lily joked…I hope "I don't think he'll hurt you though, he seems to care about you a lot."

I nodded

"Hey Blue Eyes, I got your pain killers and some water." Eli said as he entered the room.

"Thank you." I smiled, Eli smiled back and sat on the foot of the bed

He handed me my medicine and some water, I took my pills as he watched. After I finished he smiled and Lily put the empty glass on his night stand.

"Sorry I took so long mom's awake and breakfast should be ready soon." Eli said

I tried to get out of bed on my own, but Eli didn't let me.

"Need any help?" Lily asked

"Um I think Clare's wheelchair would be too heavy for you to carry." Eli stated looking at Lily

"Eli I have to get dressed first." I giggled

Eli rolled his eyes and walked to the dresser.

"What do you want to wear?" He asked kneeling down in front of a drawer

"Sweats and a baggy shirt."

Lily got her clothes as Eli got mine and she got dressed in the bathroom.

Eli handed me my clothes then graciously turned around as I started to get changed.

"Let me know if you need help."

"I will."

I changed into my sweat pants, took off my shirt, unfolded one that Eli gave me, put it on, and noticed it was his Dead Hand band tee.

Lily stepped out of the bathroom when I had just pulled the shirt down. She had on black skull printed sweat pants, and a black shirt with a big skull on it to match as well as black and white arm warmers.

"Um Eli there's a small problem." I said

Eli turned around and looked at me confused.

"It's short sleeves."

Before Eli could say anything Lily threw a pair of plain black arm warmers at me.

"Thanks babe." I told her as I slipped them on.

"Hey Love?" Lily chimed in question form

I looked over to her "Hm?"

"How will we get to church tomorrow?" Lily inquired solemnly

"Oh no, not you too." Eli mumbled

"I didn't quite think of that." I answered Lily

She nodded then turned her attention to Eli. "Wait can't you take us to church?"

"That's right Eli, you can drop us off and I'll call you when it's over." I exclaimed.

"If I have to." he sighed

"Don't you go to church too?" Lily questioned with her head tilted to the side

"Um, Eli's atheist." I giggled

"Wait Lily does that mean you have a purity ring too?" Eli asked

"On my hand all the time." Lily stated as she held up her hand which had tons of rings upon it.

I rolled my eyes. "Her purity ring in black it says 'True Love Waits' in grey while mine says 'Pure Hearts Wait' and hers has diamonds around it well except for in the words." I explained

"See" Lily said getting up and showing Eli her ring.

"I see." Eli said looking at her ring.

"I have a bible too." Lily said as excitement filled her voice.

Lily held up her bible, I rolled my eyes when I seen it, while Eli chuckled.

"Lily I can't believe you have a sticker of a white heart, outlined in black, with black angel wing, and an x going through the right side of it on the corner of your bible."

"Well I liked the sticker."

"Time for breakfast!" CeCe yelled

"I'll get Clare's chair." Lily stated

Before Eli could say something Lily had already left the room with it.

"You can bring Clare down now." Lily yelled moments later

I was shocked that Lily didn't need any help with the chair. Eli picked me up bridal style and carried me down the steps, my chair was already unfolded so all he had to do was sit me in it.

"Thank you for helping me Bullfrog." Lily said as Eli sat me in the chair.

"It was nothing." he replied

"That explains a lot." I whispered

Eli smirked, then pushed me to the table.

"So I have good news for you three." CeCe stated

"Really?" Eli asked

CeCe nodded. "Last night I couldn't sleep so I fixed up the den and made it into a bedroom now you three can sleep down here."

"Thank you for everything CeCe." I said

"You're welcome, we're always happy to help." CeCe replied

"Especially if it's Eli's girlfriend and it's about time we got another girl into Eli's room."

"Dad, Julia and I were just friends nothing else, she had a boyfriend remember."

"Son as I recall she liked you."

"But dad I didn't like her she was nothing more than my best friend like Adam."

"Speaking of Adam, does he know Clare's here?" CeCe asked.

"No he doesn't we haven't talked since yesterday before Clare and I left school." Eli replied

The rest of breakfast was basically talking about how we all were doing, thanking CeCe and Bullfrog a lot for letting Lily and I stay, moving into the new room which surprisingly is bigger than Eli's, and just about school.

After dinner Eli and Lily bought everything down to the first floor bedroom, then I unpacked it. The room has two dressers and a queen size bed which came from the basement, we're really lucky CeCe likes to save furniture. Lily's bed again was an air mattress, but CeCe said that's until she finds a twin sized bed.

I know what you're probably thinking "Why is Lily staying with Eli and I right?" Simply because she's afraid something will happen to me and she's afraid to sleep by herself in a place she's not used to.

Lily turned on the radio after she carried her bags into the room, she put in her CD, and closed the door as we unpacked. I giggled.

Lily started to sway to the music as she unpacked her things. Her and I didn't share the same taste in music she hates everything besides Christian rock and I loved almost everything.

"Think Eli will mind Flyleaf?" Lily asked

"Um it's already on so I don't think you gave him a choice." I giggled

"Who's this I like the beat?" Eli asked as he entered the room with a few boxes. Lily and I started to giggle.

Before Lily and I could say anything the chorus came on.

"_Do you believe in God written on the bullet and Cassie pulled the trigger."_

"I'm sorry I don't believe in God." Eli chuckled at the radio.

I rolled my eyes.

"Eli you're going to hell." Lily giggled as Eli walked over to me.

"I know." He smirked

I looked up at Eli as he put a box down and knelt besides me.

"More things?" I asked

"The last of it. I'm going to start filling up the bottom drawers." Eli replied

I nodded, then Eli leaned in and kissed me, after a few minutes we pulled apart and began unpacking again.

Once we finished unpacking there was a knock at the door.

"Don't worry my mom will get it." Eli said as we continued to listen to Flyleaf.

"Ok, Lily do you mind if I put on something different?" I asked

"No of course not."

I wheeled myself to one of the shelves that held my CD binder, put it in my lap, took out Mayday Parade, and handed it to Eli.

"Can you put this in the radio?" I asked looking between Eli and the radio that sat on a high shelf above the desk.

"No problem."

I watched as Eli looked at the CD I handed him.

"Nice choice in music." Eli complimented

"Thank you."

Eli switched CDs and the song Misery At Best came on.

"Clare oh my god are you ok?" Adam asked running to me

"Adam I'm fine, Eli's been taking care of me." I giggled as he knelt down and hugged me.

I hugged him back, Adam examined the room after I let him go.

"Adam meet Lily, Lily meet Adam." I said

"Nice to meet you." Lily greeted

"Wow a British accent, you'll be able to make friends easily." Adam said

"Actually I'm not really here to make friends with people that aren't friends with Clare bear, so the only friends I have besides Clare are you and Eli." Lily stated in a soft tone.

"Sorry Adam she can be really blunt and sometimes not realize it." I apologized for her.

"Well it's true I don't really want that many friends, you, Adam, and Eli are all that I need right now, plus we have to worry about Josh." Lily explained

"Thank you for putting that better." I said

"You're welcome."

"So what are we doing tomorrow?" Adam asked

"Well the girls have church." Eli said as he sat on the bed.

"Eli I didn't know you owned this CD." Adam exclaimed

"I don't Clare does." Eli chuckled

"So what are we going to do?" Lily asked as she sat on her air mattress

"I bought Clare's video games I can hook them up if you wan?" Eli asked

"Sure that sounds fine." Lily replied

"I'm game as long as we have snacks." Adam said rubbing his belly.

Eli rolled his eyes. "You know where the kitchen is."

"So what game are we playing?" I asked as I watched Eli hook up one of my game counsels and Adam left for food.

"Not sure, we'll wait for Adam."

The rest of the time was spent playing games and eating snacks. Adam stayed for dinner and my parents texted saying they're taking Lily and I to church tomorrow.

"My parents are taking us to church." I stated as we ate ice cream.

"Are you sure you'll be ok Clare?" Eli asked

"Well Lily and I would run into them while we're there so there's not use in avoiding them." I stated

"Plus I'll be there too." Lily added

"Clare call if you need me." Eli said as he grabbed my hand under the table and gave it a gentle squeeze

"I will I promise." I smiled

Eli kissed my cheek as we continued to eat ice cream.

Adam ended up staying the night and we played video games until ten, then we all got ready for bed, and went to sleep.

* * *

**Please Review**


	10. Blood Spills Tonight

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi **

**Beta Reader: ZephyrHearts **

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Eli, Lily, and I woke up to the sound of the alarm clock going off. Church had went well yesterday and like promised Eli was there to pick us up.

Lily rolled out of bed first and gathered her things then Eli shut off the alarm clock and rolled out of bed. I rolled out of bed, walked to the dresser and tried to get clothes before Eli stopped me.

"Clare you know you're not supposed to be walking a lot. I want you to relax."

"You barely let me walk I'm not walking much Eli." I stated.

"Clare I want you to get better I know you can walk, but you can't walk too much."

I nodded and let Eli walk me to the bed after I picked out my clothes.

"Are you ok?" he asked as I sat down

I nodded slowly.

"Clare honestly?" Eli asked as he knelt down in front of me resting his head on his hands which lay on my knees

I looked down at his big green eyes and shook my head. "I hate not being able to do anything on my own." I said

"Clare it's just for two months and you can dress yourself." Eli comforted. I nodded.

I didn't say anything after that, but I wanted to. I watched Eli get up and place a divider between us so we could both get dressed.

"I'm done." I said dryly

Eli moved the divider and a single tear fell down my eyes.

"Clare what aren't you telling me."

I shook my head.

"Clare please tell me." Eli pleaded

"I-I feel like I'm a burden on you." I admitted

"Clare you're not a burden trust me remember I like you a lot."

I smiled faintly and nodded. "I've only been your girlfriend for a few days."

"Yes but we've known each other for a week now and we've spent a lot of time together remember?"

I nodded knowing we're taking things slowly. Eli handed me my shoes to put on and after I did he helped me to my wheel chair. After the three of us got ready and ate breakfast, it was off to school.

The ride there didn't take too long, it was quiet, I sat in the middle of Eli and Lily. When we got to school, Eli parked Morty, shut off the ignition, got out, and Lily opened the door and got out. I scooted to the passenger side and Eli was there with my chair that I hated.

I got into my chair, Eli wheeled me into the school. When we got inside we seen Adam waiting at our lockers.

"Good morning" He said looking down at me

"Hi Adam good morning." I replied as I opened my locker.

"Lily!" Josh called from down the hall.

I looked and sure enough Josh was jogging to Lily. She looked at him, turned, and stood next to me.

"Lily I've missed you." Josh said pleadingly

"Good." Lily stated venomously

After Eli and I were done at our lockers we heard the clacking of high heels.

"Lily you might want to step aside." I commented

Lily did as asked.

"Oh my God Clare are you ok?" Alli exclaimed once she seen me.

"I'm fine Alli." I told her as she hugged me

I seen tears in her eyes after she pulled away.

"Alli I'm ok I promise plus I've had Eli and Lily take care of me." I said forgetting she didn't know Lily.

I introduced Lily and Alli and the six of us made our way to the office to get Lily's schedule we talked a little on the way while Josh and Lily argued. I have lunch and Chem with Lily, but Alli and I told her who to avoid.

We all went to our classes and it was boring. Adam and Eli basically talked all during English and Eli wheeled me to art.

In art we were given instructions to just have fun. I grabbed an few small bottles of paint and squirted them onto my canvas, then got a few more, it was really fun.

"Will Clare Edwards please come to the office."

I wheeled myself to the office only to find my dad standing there. I froze.

"Clare you're coming home for the day." my dad said

"W-what about Lily?" I stammered

"We'll get her later."

I seen Adam as my dad wheeled me out of the school.

"Are you ok?"

"Yea Adam my dad's taking me home tell Eli and Lily as soon as you see them." I said trying not to let my voice break.

Adam nodded.

My dad pushed my chair to the passenger side of the car, opened the door then pushed me as close to the seat as he could; I hopped in and my dad folded my chair. I was buckled by the time my dad threw my chair in the back seat and hopped in on his side. I pulled my iPod out from my pocket and put it on not caring if he wanted to talk or not. I tugged on my sleeves hard trying to get the thought of cutting out of my head. I can't really remember the last time I cut.

My dad must've known I was having urges because he reached over and handed me a lighter then a knife. I light the blade making it sterile and started to cut deeply, my dad handed me a napkin to hold over my cut. I started to cut my whole arm up and soon I was bleeding profusely. My dad must've noticed because he pulled over, opened my door, and wrapped up my arm in some sort of cloth he got from the glove compartment. He took the knife back after that.

After we pulled up to the house my dad helped me into my chair then inside. I knew something was wrong because he was never this kind to me.

"Pack." He said after ripping one of my earbuds out of my ear.

"Why?" I questioned

"That bitch of a mother that you have left me and she wants to take you."

"No offense, but I want to live with her." I said

Before I could move I felt myself go backwards and I hit a wall hard my eyes closed automatically and I whimpered a little from the pain. When I opened my eyes I seen my dad come at me.

_THUD!_ Was the sound that rang throughout the house when I was hit causing me and my chair to fall over. I sobbed a little. I felt my dad kicking my stomach causing me to curl up into a ball bringing my legs to block his kicks. I squirmed a little as I cry and whimper and soon he was kicking my back.

_CRACK! _Was the next sound I heard as my dad took turns kicking my legs and my back. I was in too much pain to tell which the sound came from.

My vision is starting to get blurry and I can barely see, I'm starting to wonder if Adam has seen Eli or Lily yet. Slowly my sobs and whimpers stop as I fall off to sleep.

I woke up in a field covered in pink flowers. I stood up and looked around there were Cherry Blossoms blowing in the wind and I could hear the faint sound of a river flowing. When I stood I realized I was no longer in pain. I looked over my body expecting to find bruises and instead I found nothing, no marks, no lacerations, not even the ones I have made, my skin was flawless of all scars and wounds, even my broken ribs were healed.

I began to walk around trying to find someone or something that could tell me where I'm at. I soon came up to a river with a little girl sitting at it.

"This place is beautiful I love the Korean Rhododendron and the Sakura you have create and the river give it a nice affect." A little girl said as she watched the river flow.

"Am I in heaven?" I asked

"No you're in the spirit world, it's in between. You're one of the lucky ones who gets to choose if you want to go to heaven or back to land of the living and live the rest of your life."

I noticed a slight glow around the girl. "Are you an angel?" I inquired

"Yes I am."

"Can you tell me about heaven?"

"I'm sorry I can't. I can't tell you anything that could influence your decision, but I can answer other questions if you have any."

"If I chose heaven would I be able to watch my loved one's on Earth?"

"Yes."

"Have you?"

"I used to."

"Used to?"

"Well since I used to check on my parents after I died and both were hurting so bad it was depressing I wish I had the choice to live or die, but my life was taken from me almost like yours."

"What gives me the option to choose?"

"Well you were originally supposed to live, but deep down you were losing the will to live. Your body just gave up, but your heart didn't so you're here."

I started to think and we laid in the flowers. I looked up at the sky and watched the clouds go by.

"You said I created this?"

"Yes, you created this. When you die or your spirit ends up here a whole land is created by you based off of you and what you are feeling. Your spirit wanted to be in a peaceful place and this was it."

I nodded. It felt peaceful being here and I didn't have to worry about anything; to me this is only a taste of heaven. I know I'm selfish for thinking this, but I'm thinking of going to heaven and just watching everyone move on.

"You don't have a lot of time to make your decision."

"Can you help me?"

"I cannot I'm sorry."

I nodded.

"I can show you some things you went through while your alive or help you remember stuff." She noted

"I'd like to see Eli."

I looked at the sky and seen past memories replay of Eli. He looked so happy I watched the two of us hangout and I watched when we first kissed, the first time we met, and even when he drove me to the hospital.

"Why can't I hear him?" I asked

I heard the whole story replay just like I remembered.

"Can you show me his future if I left him?" I asked sadly and all of a sudden I felt a ping in my heart at the thought of leaving Eli

"I'm not allowed." She said sadly.

"I think I want to go back to Earth." I said softly

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I can't leave Eli."

She nodded.

"Can I stay for a little?" I asked wanting to take everything in.

"Five minutes." She answered

I walked over to the "Sakura" as she called it and let some of the flowers fall on me from the wind. I know that all this could be mine if I wanted it to be, but I couldn't leave Eli.

"Eli loves you, you know. All though it you two just met he really does love you."

"I remember him saying that he's been attending Degrassi which means that he's attended last year with Adam why didn't I see them?"

"Adam didn't have your classes and your paths never crossed, however yours and Eli's crossed a lot. He's developed feelings for you last year when he first saw you, but his promise to Julia to never date stopped him from talking to you. You were always reading in the library or something and his fear of you having a boyfriend stopped him."

"That's right I dated KC." I stated as I started to remember

The angel nodded. "It's time to go back and you won't remember much of anything that I told you, but you'll remember this place it'll seem like a dream." She added.

I woke up to the sound of incessant beeping. There was a bright light when I opened my eyes. I looked around a little; I'm in a hospital and there's something warm on my hand so I gave it a gentle squeeze.

"Clare you're awake." Eli exclaimed

I looked over to see him laying next to me with our hands entwined.

"I only took a nap." I giggled.

"No Clare you've been asleep for about two weeks now." Eli said rubbing my face. "I thought I was going to lose you and I wouldn't know how to deal."

I looked in Eli's eyes, there were dark circles around them and they were puffy from crying. I put my hand on Eli's cheek and starting brushing it with my thumb.

"Eli I'm not leaving you." I cooed

I could see the love for me that Eli has in his eyes and even though we've been dating for three weeks now I was asleep through two of them. I looked around the room again and seen things from everyone.

"KC stopped by." Eli told me

"And?" I asked

"He left you flowers so did Jenna."

"A lot of people stopped by like some kid named Wesley he left a letter, David stopped by as well, and so did some kid named Conner."

"That's sweet of them." I said

"They left balloons and Wesley stuttered a lot." Eli chuckled.

"How's school?" I asked

"…"

I looked over to Eli and seen he was looking at our hands as he rubbed mine.

"Eli!"

"I um haven't been going."

"Why?"

"I didn't want to leave you. My parents understood and left my bag here."

I nodded and tried to face him, but something was stopping me. I let go of Eli's hand and patted my legs they were there, but I couldn't move them. I hit them harder and tears started to fall from my eyes.

"I can't feel my legs." I cried over and over as I started to freak out hitting them repeatedly

"Clare, Clare calm down." Eli soothed as he took my hands in his.

"Eli I can't feel my legs!"

"You have no feeling in your legs past your knees." He said

"So I can feel my thighs?" I asked

"Yes you can."

"What happened?"

"There was nerve damage in your spine that made you lose feeling in both of your shins and your feet."

"How did I get here?"

"Ambulance."

I starred at Eli and gave him a look asking for him to explain.

"I seen Adam when the bell rang, he was waiting outside of my class he told me that you had gone home and your dad took you. I went to my class after that and Adam went to his. Lily asked my teacher if she could speak with me and she asked about you. When I told her your dad got you she told me to get my things and that something wasn't right. When we got to your house you were unconscious on the floor, laying in a small pool of blood, and your dad was no where around. I checked your pulse and it was faint. Lily called the ambulance as I rocked your body and tried to wake you, when the paramedics hooked your heart up to a machine you flat lined." Eli started to cry. "It took them a few times to revive you. When we got here I gave them your dad's information fortunately he answered his cell phone and said you were dead, he's in jail for attempted murder."

I nodded. "So what now?"

"Your mom isn't in a stable home she's been drinking so she's letting you live with us."

"Am I permanently in a wheel chair?" I asked

"We don't know the doctors don't tell you much."

I looked at Eli and he looked at our hands again which are entwined. I managed to turn myself towards him using the bed rail and his hand.

"How come no one else is here?" I asked

"Because it's 1am visiting hours are over."

"But you're here."

"I told them we're engaged and basically told them I'd kill myself if they didn't let me stay." Eli chuckled

I hit him playfully. "Dummy" I muttered

"Excuse me?"

"Now they'll put you on suicide watch." I stated

"Clare, they kind of already did." Eli chuckled holding up a bracelet I frowned "It's ok because you are too."

"Huh?" I asked knowing I'm not suicidal

Eli grabbed my wrists and showed me the cuts I've made while I was with my dad.

"Good Ms. Edwards you're awake. Mr. Goldsworthy now that Ms. Edwards is awake will you kindly come with us?" The nurse said as she entered, Eli dropped my arm

"No I'm not leaving my fiancee." Eli growled

"She's fine."

"I'm not leaving if you make me I'll kill myself!"

Eli started to remind me of a suicidal four year old that was having his favorite toy taken away.

"Ms. Edwards do you mind if he stays?" The nurse asked

"Of course not he is my fiance after all." I answered holding back a giggle.

The nurse nodded. "Mr. Goldsworthy you're still on suicide watch and we'll have another therapist in here tomorrow for both of you to talk to."

I started to laugh really hard after she left. "A therapist?"

"They think we're suicidal." Eli said rolling his eyes

"You do remind me of a suicidal four year old." I giggled.

"Only for you my dear." Eli kissed my forehead "We're just two suicidal teens."

"Who aren't really suicidal." I added knowing I'm not suicidal anymore.

"Therapy tomorrow is going to be fun."

I rolled my eyes thinking about what's to come.

We spent the rest of the night talking Eli told me how he noticed me last year when I was with KC, but too afraid to talk to me. He didn't know my name until we had class together and he was happy we are partners now we also talked about what if Julia was still alive and he told me he'd have to break the promise to her because he wouldn't be able to just be friends with me.

"Eli?" I asked as I rolled onto my back.

"Hmm?"

"Can I have a kiss?" I blushed

"Of course."

Eli's kiss was sweet, gentle, passionate, and full of love. I never experienced a kiss with as much love as this one contained. When we broke apart Eli put his head on my chest and fell asleep. I looked at the time it's now eight am and I closed my eyes allowing my dreams to take over.

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**Please Review**


	11. I Need You

**Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Degrassi **

**A/N: There are alternating POV's between Clare and Eli. Please enjoy.**

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I opened my eyes not feeling good I looked at Eli sleeping soundly next to me with his head on my chest and smiled before kissing the top of his head. I watched a nurse enter the room.

"How are you feeling?" She asked

"Really horrible. Can I have a pen and paper?" I asked

"Sure." She walked over and handed me a pen and paper.

_To whom this concerns,_

_I'm not feeling really well right now, so if I'm sick and in the bathroom or something please allow my fiance to stay in my room, or if I'm asleep and wake up without him because someone asked or forced him to leave I will kill myself I need him just as much as he needs me. If you don't believe me look at my wrists I've cut deeply before and I can do it again. _

_Clare Edwards_

The nurse came in and took my note and I went back to sleep. I went back to sleep expecting to wake up next to Eli, but I was wrong when I looked around Eli was gone, everything was gone, I'm alone in a room nothing is wrong with me I'm again completely healed. The first question that came to my mind was _Am I dead?_ then I knew that I am in fact not dead, but in a dream. I got out of the bed I was in and started to walk around, everything what white, the walls, the floor, the gown I am wearing, the door, the bed, the sheets, I mean everything. I left the room I was in and made my way down the long dark hallway, the lights started to flash and I suddenly became scared. I seen a bright light in a room that wasn't flashing or anything it was welcoming so I entered. I seen my mom sitting at a table and smiled.

"Mom I've missed you." I said as I ran over to hug her she hugged back and I felt her form start to change and a chill coursed through my body.

"Well well now Clare." my dad said his voice was mischievous and harsh.

"D-d-daddy?" I asked not wanting to open my eyes or really believe it was my dad.

"Open your eyes damnit." He ordered, I obeyed and opened them, there was my dad standing in front of me perfectly ok. "You're happy and perfectly ok while I am here miserable because your mother left." He seethed

"I'm sorry." I muttered.

"No you aren't" he spat and slapped me across my face. I ran as fast as I could through the long hallway trying to find somewhere I could go, but every time I came to a door they all slammed shut and the dark hallway grew longer. I didn't know what to do or where I could turn. I started to panic and scream.

"Screaming won't help you here, there's no one here…Well with the acception of me and you." my dad chuckled.

I curled myself up against the wall in the fetal position and cried into my knees awaiting to see what happens next I couldn't take it anymore a razor appeared next to me and I started to cut arms up as much as I could as I watched them bleed profusely. "You're not getting off that easily." My dad seethed. I could feel him getting closer, I felt his presence over me and embraced myself for whatever was to come.

"Shh you're safe now." A sweet voice cooed as a hand rubbed the back of my head. I opened my eyes and looked up I was surrounded by blue Forget Me Nots and some Cherry Blossoms. I looked over and the angel was there that I've met before I woke up in the hospital.

"What's going on?" I asked as I noticed I was still bleeding. "How is this…." I asked

"You cut yourself, whatever happens to your spirit in the spirit world happens to your body as well." She said

"But my dad- that was nothing like…"

"There are two different versions of the spirit world one for pure souls who did nothing to harm anyone or anything as well as one for bad souls that murdered or caused harm, you ended up in the wrong one." She said

"So my body now has these marks and I could bleed out?" I stuttered regretting everything that I did, she nodded "What's going on?" I asked

"I don't know." She said "I was to look over you and you seemed to be doing fine, but I sensed your spirit in distress and bout you here."

"So am I going to die?" I asked

"Only time will tell, there's still no time here."

I nodded as I laid in the grass trying not to cry.

"What's wrong?" She asked

"I don't want to die." I said "I don't want to lose Eli or anyone."

"I know." She said comforting me. "You're probably tired aren't you?"

I nodded and all of a sudden the warm bright sky turned to dark and a bed appeared "If I go to sleep will I…" I trailed off unable to finish my sentence

"No you won't, nothing can hurt you here. No person can touch you, no object can injure you, no animal or anything else in that matter can cause you any harm, but you will not dream." She said

"Please don't leave me." I said

"I'll be here depending on where you wake up." I looked at her wide eyed "You could wake up here or on the earth plane." I let out a breath and relaxed as I held onto my pillow thinking about Eli.

ooooooo

ooooooo

ooooooo

ooooooo

ooooooo

ooooooo

I woke up to Clare's erratic heartbeat and the monitors going off. I immediately jumped off the bed and started to panic. She was fine just a few hours ago. A nurse came in and tried to steady Clare's heart by putting something in her IV.

"We need a doctor over here!" She yelled as I backed myself into a corner.

I watched a stream of doctors and medics run in. "She's bleeding." A nurse said "Doctor look there are lacerations appearing on her arm."

I moved a little closer as they moved her arm you could see cuts arising and she started to bleed profusely.

"Mr. Goldsworthy we're sorry we need to find out what's going on with your fiance please come with me we'll lead you into an empty room where you could sleep."

"I don't want to sleep I want to be with Clare." I started to sob.

"We're doing everything we can you'll be the first to know if something changes."

I nodded and sat on the bed as I cried. I took out my phone and called my mom.

"Is she ok?" My mom asked, but I couldn't form the words.

"She she woke up a few hour ago we were laughing and joking." I sobbed

"Honey I'm confused isn't that a good thing?"

"We went to sleep and her heart started to beat at an erratic pace then after the doctors got to her…cuts were forming on her arms and she started bleeding profusely." I sobbed

"Sweetie she'll be fine she has to be." my mom said I could hear her voice breaking. "How did the cuts appear?"

"I don't know no one was near her with any sharp objects and a nurse held up her arm as a cut came through and bled almost like Clare did it herself." I said

"Sweetie do you need me to come down there?" She asked

"I might call Adam if it's ok." I said

"Ok. If you need me I'm here. I love you baby boy." She said

"I love you too mom." I said and hung up.

I walked into the hallway and moved out front of Clare's door the nurses were wrapping both of her wrists up with bandages which slowly turned red from her blood. Her heart beat started to calm down, but they were still working on her.

"She's going to be ok." A nurse told me "We just need to get the bleeding to stop."

I nodded wondering how she's going to be ok if she bleeds out. I moved as another nurse ran out of the room only to run back in minutes later to hook up a bag of what looks like blood to her IV. Her heart started to beat again erratically as the monitors again went off.

I texted Adam remembering Lily is over there with Alli.

_She's worse. Don't tell Lily. -Eli._

I didn't get a text back, but instead my phone started to ring.

"Dude seriously?" Adam asked

"Yea" I said sadly.

"What happened?"

"I don't know, she woke up and we talked and started to joke around we went to sleep a few hours ago and her heart started to beat erratically, then her wrists and arms started to bleed profusely as if she did it herself." I said as I watched the nurses from the hall.

"She's gotta be ok." Adam whispered

"I know man." I said as tears started to form in my eyes.

"Mr. Goldsworthy has she eaten when she woke up?" A nurse asked

I shook my head "Should I have?" I asked

"No, but we're hooking her up to a feeding tube." She said "Do you know if she's allergic to any foods?"

"She's not allergic to any." I said knowing I've checked her hospital records last time we were here. "She's allergic to silver." I stated knowing her ring was white gold the nurse took off her ring and put it in her pocket.

I watched as others nodded and did a routine check of her body they lifted her shirt up just below her bra and felt her stomach, then her back, as well as her legs.

Clare was immediately rushed out of the room and taken to the ER. One of the nurses stayed behind.

"Are you sure she's allergic to silver?" She asked

"Yes where are you taking her?" I asked back

"We're doing tests. She her heart's calm again and the bleeding is starting to stop, but her breathing is still uneasy, she's gasping for air."

I nodded as the nurse left. I immediately called her mom.

"Hello?" She answered

"Good Mrs. Edwards what's Clare allergic to?" I asked incase they forgot something

"Silver and some type of medicine."

"What type it's important." I said

"I don't really remember. What's this about."

"A nurse gave her medicine about an hour or so ago and now her heart's acting up, she's gasping for air, and no one knows what's going on."

"Ibuprofen I make them give her morphine since it's a narcotic."

"Thanks" I said as I hung up the phone and ran down the hallway where I ran into a nurse.

"Excuse me my fiancée's in the ER her name is Clare Edwards she's allergic to Ibuprofen." I said

"Ok I'll run right there to tell them." She said as she patted my arm.

I watched as she ran into the ER, then minutes later she came back out.

"Did they check her bracelet when they gave her medicine?" She asked

"No why?" I asked back

The nurse held up Clare's bracelet that they must have cut off of her "It says here that she's allergic to Ibuprofen and Silver as well as latex."

_Luckily she's waiting until marriage because we'd have problems. _I thought.

"They're cleaning her blood now." She said happily

"So is she going to be ok?" I asked

"We don't know yet."

"If something happens to her I'm suing the hospital." I stated

The nurse looked at me in fear. "Y-Yes sir." She stuttered before running back into the ER. I smirked a little to myself before my phone starting to ring again.

"He-"

"Any news?" Alli asked cutting me off

"I don't know anything yet. She's in the ER and they're cleaning her blood." I said

"What! What do you mean they're cleaning her blood?" Alli exclaimed

"They gave her Ibuprofen and she's allergic to it." I said sadly

"If something happens to her I'll." She said angrily as stopping herself before she got farther.

"Sue them?" I asked

"I'll do just more than sue them." She said

"I already threatened to sue them."

Alli laughed a little and a nurse came out.

"Mr. Goldsworthy?" She asked, I nodded

"Hold on Alli." I said

"Ms. Edwards is going to be ok, but we aren't sure when she'll be waking up, she's being put on suicide watch as well."

"What why?" I asked the nurse showed me a note Clare wrote saying how she'd kill herself if they ever separated us. I chuckled, knowing she sounded just like me when I threatened to kill myself when they tried to separate us.

I watched as they wheeled Clare back out of the ER with heart monitors attached to her, her breathing and heart beat were both stable.

"She's fine Alli I'm looking at her now." I said relieved.

"Is she awake?" Alli asked

"Sadly no, but her heart is stable as well as her breathing. She'll be fine."

I hung up my phone and changed the tone to silent. I followed the nurse who was pushing Clare's bed back into her room. A nurse stopped me before I could enter.

"Her blood isn't thoroughly cleaned yet we have an IV in her arm to help as well as a bag of blood to replace the blood she lost." She said I nodded at her as I walked into her room.

I looked at Clare just sleeping there her cheeks were flushed of color and I immediately rushed to her side in tears ignoring all sounds of the machines. I felt her hands which were warm, but I still panicked until I laid on the bed with her and my ear against her chest listening to her calmed heart beat.

After getting up I looked at her arms which were covered in bandages from her wrists up. I wanted to remove them and kiss each and every wound, but too afraid that she would bleed again and they'd take her away…again. I noticed she had a blue hospital bracelet as well as a red one like mine.

"Clare, what am I going to do with you?" I whispered to her as I kissed her lips in hope that she'd wake up, when she didn't I ran my fingers through her hair knowing she wasn't going to answer and that my question was rhetorical.

I laid down with my head on her chest in hopes that one I'll get some sleep and two she'll wake up, but neither happened, instead I paced walked around the room glancing at her occasionally. I got bored after a while and turned on the TV there wasn't anything good on so I left Clare for a moment see where I could buy a magazine.

"Excuse me sir?" A security guard said stopping me.

I turned around to see what he wanted before I made my way out the door.

"Where are you going?" he asked

"Um to buy a magazine?"

"Not today you're under suicide watch." he said I looked down at my wrist and seen the red bracelet.

"I'm not suicidal." I said honestly

"That's what they all say now back to wherever you belong." He said escorting me back out into the elevator.

"But I'm in normal clothes." I stated, he took my wrist and examined my bracelet.

"You haven't been here long enough to be discharged." he said knowingly "I'm escorting you to your room."

"Can't you just tell me where I could buy something?" I groaned as we entered the elevator.

"The gift shop opens in two hours." He replied causing me to groan again.

He literally walked me all the way to Clare's room.

"Hey Clare, I failed at getting a magazine." I sighed as I walked in.

"She's sleeping aren't you afraid of waking her?" The security guard asked.

"She's in a coma." I muttered "She woke up a while ago we went back to sleep at 1 and at two am her heart monitor went off her heart beat rose do to the fact that the stupid ass nurse put Ibuprofen in her IV when she's allergic to it." I said.

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault." I sighed as I walked over to her. I kissed her head and laid next to her.

"Would you like me to get two beds?" He asked

"She'd be pissed if I were sleeping in a different bed when she wakes up." I chuckled, he nodded

"You and your sister seem close."

"She's my fiancée." I lied again.

"Aren't you too young to be engaged?"

"No we're able to get married in a few years I'm sixteen and her birthday is coming up." I said

"Oh, well I'll let you do whatever, you just can't leave the hospital."

I nodded and laid down. I decided to watch some random cartoon and kept Clare's hand in mine with our fingers entwined incase she woke up. Hours went by and there was no change I even went and got a few things from the gift shop and a nurse was in her room when I walked in.

"She needs more blood." She said softly. I nodded softly and made my way in the room.

"I'm here to insert a feeding tube." The nurse said.

"Ok."

"We're putting pudding in it do you know if she'll prefer vanilla over chocolate?" She asked

"Is that a rhetorical question?" I chuckled trying not to laugh.

"Um no it's not why?"

"Well if you were getting a feeding tube inserted into your body and a nurse asked you what flavor you'd prefer what would you say?"

"I get it." She said and opened a baggie with chocolate pudding in it. I looked away as she inserted the feeding tube into Clare's stomach.

"Ok all done. I gave her chocolate because it's my favorite." She said like I'd care, right now my main concern is that my girlfriend wakes up and she's not starving when she does.

"Are you taking this one out later like you did with the last one?" I asked

"No the last one was taken out because it was in there for two weeks, so in two weeks we'll take this one and wait an hour like we did before we insert another one."

I nodded. "Do you know if it helped with the allergic reaction she had when her arms started bleeding profusely?" I asked

"I think it did." The nurse said as she left.

I laid back in bed with Clare as I watched some more TV.

"OMIGOD" Lily's voice rang through the walls. "How is she what have they done to her?"

"She's fine they gave her Ibuprofen in her IV, they cleaned her blood out." I said and looked over to see Adam and Lily, Lily looked like she was going to hyperventilate at the sight of Clare, before I could do anything Adam had her breathing out of a paper bag. I looked down at Clare sleeping next to me and I remembered watching Sleeping Beauty when CeCe made me and couldn't help, but think Clare looked like the sleeping princess. I leaned over and kissed her lips again in hope that she'd wake up, but nothing so I did it again.

"Dude kissing her isn't going to wake her up." Adam said as he tried to calm Lily down.

"She woke up at about eleven and we talked all night until about three." I said glancing at Clare.

Lily reached over the bed and hugged Clare tightly. "Hey be careful she's fragile." I said causing Lily to jump and look at me.

"I wasn't hugging her too hard." She stated

"She's got a feeding tube in again." I said

Lily looked at the feeding tube as well as Adam. "They gave her chocolate pudding!" they both exclaimed in unison.

I chuckled "Yea. It was sort of funny with the nurse." I trailed off remembering "She asked me if Clare would prefer chocolate over vanilla."

"Dude she can't fucking taste it so what's the difference?" Adam exclaimed

"I don't know I asked the nurse to imagine getting a feeding tube and someone asking if she'd want chocolate pudding or vanilla and she nodded and gave Clare chocolate, but had a sympathetic look in her eye."

They both nodded. "I'm staying over your house CeCe said she misses having kids there." Lily said

"What's she going to do when we all move out?" I chuckled "And Lily it's home you and Clare both live with us now." I said, Lily ran over and threw herself on me in a hug which made me loose balance a little. I didn't know what to do so I wrapped my arm around her and let her sob into my shoulder while I rubbed my back with her free hand.

"Ok kids time for school." Mrs. Torres stated, I let got of Lily and said my goodbyes.

CeCe came in the minute they left. "Hey mom." I said

"Hi baby boy." She whispered looking at Clare.

"Please don't say anything about how she looks." I said before she could say anything.

"I won't, I bout you another bag of clothes and some food I know you haven't eaten yet."

I nodded as she handed me my items. I sat back on the bed with Clare and started to eat. "Would it be mean if I moved the food closer to her face in hopes the aroma would wake her up knowing damned well I'd give her the food just to see her eyes open again?" I asked

CeCe chuckled a little "As much as I want to say yes I don't think she will."

I nodded "She always says how wonderful your food smells, but I just wish she could taste a little or something." I said knowing damned well she can't.

"I know sweetie." CeCe said rubbing my head.

"I just feel bad eating in front of her even if the chances of her waking up today are slim."

"She'll wake up just give her time."

I finished eating while CeCe read some magazines at the table in our room. I felt sleep coming over me as I yawned.

"Go to sleep sweetie it looks like you need it."

I nodded and got comfortable as I placed my head on Clare's chest. "Don't leave mom."

"I won't."

I let sleep come over me and quickly dozed off.

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**Please Review**


	12. What's To Come Of This?

**Disclaimer: I Do Not own Degrassi or it's characters. **

**A/N: You will learn a lot in this chapter, there's also a big twist. I'm dedicating this chapter to Tacobell girl for her wonderful review. I will also be doing a dedication chapter at the end of this story. **

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It's been two and a half weeks since Clare last woke up. I awoke next to Clare like usual, she's still sleeping and still has a feeding tube in her stomach, and nurses have been in and out all night and day checking on her. School's over now and it's normal for Clare to get visitors so I sat up in the bed rather than laying my head on her.

"How are you Eli?" Holly J asked when she walked in with Sav.

"I've been better." I said honestly

Holly J walked over to me and sat next to me. "I'm sure she'll wake up soon."

"I hope so she woke up the other night and the fucking nurse gave her Ibuprofen when it's written on her bracelet as one of her allergies." I stated bitterly.

"We're so sorry, but why are you both wearing red bracelets?" Sav asked

"Apparently we're suicidal." I chuckled a little.

'What?" Holly J exclaimed

I pulled out the note that Clare wrote and explained what I told them when they tried to make me leave.

"You two are really something aren't you?" She asked

"I guess we are."

"We're going to leave you two alone, be safe." Holly J said causing me to chuckle as I nodded.

I started to feel a little tired and I laid my head on Clare's chest with my arm wrapped around her. Her heart beat and warmth of her skin let me know she was alive besides the beeping of the machine of course, and it made me feel a little better.

"Ahem" Some one coughed as I started to drift off I kept my eyes closed not wanting to move. "You know you're in a hospital." A male voice said one that I wasn't too familiar with. It caused me to look up.

"KC." I stated dryly as I kept my head on Clare listening to her heart beat.

"How is she?" Jenna asked as I closed my eyes and shrugged.

"Can you not do lay on her like that?" KC asked

"She's my girlfriend I'll lay on her however the hell I want to." I exclaimed as I sat up. "Besides why do you can you're with Jenna?" I snapped

"Yea KC!" Jenna barked

"I don't it's just not right to do in a hospital."

We argued for a few minutes and then Jenna and KC argued causing them to leave.

I was happy with that and went to sleep on Clare's chest.

OOOOO

OOOOO

OOOOO

OOOOO

I woke up on the same bed I fell asleep on, it was still night when I awoke, but the scenery was different, there were still blue Forget Me Nots, but this time they were mixed together with white roses.

"Um did I?" I asked nervously and still groggy.

"No you didn't but sleeping here is healing your body a lot." the angle replied

I nodded "But you don't know when I'll be able to go home do you?" I asked sitting in the bed

"No I do not." She replied back sadly. "I can show you what's going on in your life, but after seeing it myself I've decided not to."

"What? Why?" I asked, she looked at me and her face was blank. "Is it that bad?"

"It's just sad everyone wants you to wake up and you're stuck here and want to go back."

I nodded not knowing what to say. "I did get permission for something." She chimed

"Really what's that?" I asked

"You have your memory back from last visit, so do you remember when you asked to see Eli if you'd chose to die?" She asked

"Yea." I said standing up and walking to her.

"Well I can show you since you're not going to die." She stated.

I laid down on the grass by her and a pillow appeared under my head. I looked to the sky and a big screen appeared.

"Will I be able to remember this?" I asked

"If you really want to, but I'm not sure how it'll effect your life or if I'll even be able to make you remember it."

"I really want to as long as it doesn't make me forget the people I love." I stated

"I can't promise anything."

I just sighed deeply and nodded not really giving a definite answer because I didn't have one.

I turned to the screen in the sky and watched the pictures play of how it would have been if I chose to die. My funeral appeared I was in a baby blue lacy dress with white ballet flats. I could see Eli, he wore a suit, his hair was slick back, and he looked very very angry like he wants some kind of vengeance. He sat in a pew next to CeCe she took his arm and he forcefully retracted it causing her to flinch as she pulled back. His name was called to say some words and his facial expression changed to a sadden one as he stood up and walked to my casket, he bent over and kissed my head, then walked to the alter.

"I hadn't known Clare for long, but she was the most amazing, caring, loving, joyful person I have ever met. I fell in love with her at first sight I loved *cough* excuse me love everything about her. She was broken just like me, but you'd never know unless she'd open up to you and you really had to work for her to open up or at least I did, but it was worth it. Everything I did for Clare was always worth it, I am the luckiest man alive because I was able to be with her, to kiss her when I wanted, to receive a smile that she had just for me." Eli started to sob "She was perfect she still is perfect no matter what anyone ever said she's always been perfect to me. Now she's gone, I'll never get her back, she'll never be in our lives again, we'll never be able to see that wonderful smile or those gorgeous baby blue eyes, everything about her was beautiful. No one can compare to Clare. She was everything and more that I could ask for and deserved." Eli paused and shook his head as the tears fell down. "Clare was a true goddess one definitely sent from the heavens above if there is such a place, she was an angel spreading her light in everyone that had the pleasure to meet her. She will be missed." Eli said before walking down.

I cried as he talked "Can we move forward please?" I asked

"This is a month after."

I looked at the screen as the pictures started to move forward, then stop on Eli. He was in his room with Lily the one that belonged to the three of us. My belongings were still where I had left them.

"It's been a month Eli, and they're going to make us clean out her locker." Lily said sadly she looks really really thin almost like a skeleton.

Eli sat on his bed and nodded. Lily looked at him with pleading eyes as he held his arm out, she sat next to him and put her head on his chest as his arm dropped around her.

"I can't believe she's gone. I miss her Lil." Eli said sadly

"Me too." Lily agreed

"Kids lunch is ready." CeCe called

"Not hungry." the two chimed

CeCe stood in the doorway leaning on it "You two have to eat and I don't mean something small like a sandwich or a few bites of whatever."

Eli removed his arm from Lily as he stood up his shirt was extremely too big for him and his rings were gone as well as his bracelet. Both of them looked like death warmed over.

"Adam's coming by later." CeCe chimed

Lily and Eli nodded. "Come on kids high spirits." Bullfrog said trying to cheer them up, but failing. Eli and Lily forked spaghetti around their plates eating it in small bites they only ate half of the plate.

"Don't worry they're eating enough to get by." She stated I nodded as I still cried

The pictures jumped to after dinner. "Sis I miss Clare." Eli sobbed still as she pulled Eli in for a hug.

"Sis?" I asked

"CeCe adopted Lily as her daughter in hopes that she'd help Eli, but they're both chronically depressed."

I nodded again.

There was a knock at Eli's door and CeCe answered it, Adam was on the other end, he was in a beanie like usual, he nodded at CeCe as he walked inside. Once he got to Eli's room Eli got up and hugged him, Lily hugged him too.

"We missed you man." Eli said "Please don't ever leave us." Eli sobbed

"I'm sorry I won't." Adam said

"The four of them tried to attempt suicide together all three failed. Mrs. Torres but Adam away, but CeCe talked to Eli and Lily and made an agreement with them that they'd go to therapy together, both of them are inseparable."

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but Josh is lucky he's with Clare." Lily said all three nodded.

The pictures jumped again to the next day at school.

Lily and Eli walked into school as everyone stared at them, Lily gripped Eli's arm as she laid her head on him. The two walked to their lockers without saying a word and Adam appeared and they exchanged glances. The three of them walked to class Lily tightly gripping Eli's arms and sobbed occasionally.

"It's ok Lil I'm here I'm not leaving you." Eli cooed

Lily nodded "I know."

"I know it's not the same." Adam said as they walked into English.

Lily and Eli were writing a paper together with Adam, but all three of them left in the middle of class and walked out of the building.

"Their lives don't get much better than that." She said "Eli, he died at the age of 18 as did Lily and Adam, the four committed suicide together all virgins so they were the real life virgin suicides." She said.

"If Eli and I broke up?" I asked, my voice shaking as I sobbed.

"That, I'm not allowed to tell you. Just know whenever you feel like dying remember what I just shown and told you." She stated as I cried.

"I'm going back to sleep." I said

"Ok."

The sky went back to night as the atmosphere calmed down and a soothing lullaby played.

I woke up to people talking and I looked around.

"Clare you're awake." Someone said causing me to look at them.

"Who are you?" I asked.

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**Any idea who Clare's talking to? Does she have a serious case of amnesia or does she remember certain people? Does she remember Eli? Or Lily? Perhaps Josh or Adam?**


	13. I'm Sorry I Don't Remember

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Degrassi, however I do own Lily and Jason.**

**A/N: I've gotten a review saying not to stop writing this story. I haven't given up on this story, I've been updating little by little each day since I've been working a little 24 hours a week. Ok so here's your story with some twists. I hope you enjoy it. Btw it starts with Eli's POV.**

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I had left Clare momentarily as I went to get a coffee while the nurse took out her feeding tube. They've been doing that a lot they'd give her enough food through the day and then take it out until the next morning in fear that when she wakes up she'll accidentally hit it.

I wasn't that far from the room when KC came from it, he didn't say anything just grabbed my wrist and drug me into the room where I seen Clare squeezing her eyes closed crying. I immediately handed KC my coffee and went to soothe Clare.

"Baby, baby it's ok. I'm here everything's ok." I cooed as I wiped her tears away with my thumbs. Clare opened her eyes and clung to me immediately as if she were scared to death.

"Eli I was so worried. I woke up and there was a stranger in my room I thought he took you or something." She sobbed and I brushed my hand along the back of her head.

"Clare, it's ok." I said as I pulled her away, I looked into her eyes and she pulled my head towards her kissing me passionately, I took her parted lips to my advantage and thrust my tongue in her mouth, causing her to moan.

"Ahem." KC said causing us to pull apart.

"Sorry I kinda forgot you were here." I said to KC.

"It's ok. Jenna should be here soon do you mind if I wait?" KC asked nervously

"Clare do you mind if KC waits for Jenna?" I asked looking at her

"No I don't mind." She said sweetly then turned back to KC. "Hi KC, I'm Clare nice to meet you." She said holding out her hand.

"Clare." I said softly

"Hmm?" She asked

"KC is your ex boyfriend." I stated

"N-no that can't be there's only you, there's only just been you. Last year before you came went by like a blur there was only Alli and I no one else, well there were some issues with Holly J, but they're another story."

"Clare what do you remember about last year?" I asked

"Um I hung out with Alli mainly she was dating some guy, they broke up, um I wore a uniform, and I stood up to the principal for a classmate because the principal was being unreasonable." She said summoning up the main points. "Oh and Alli had broken me out of wearing my uniforms to school." She finished

"Do you remember anything from this year?" I asked her

"Of course, you Adam and I hung out, I skipped school with Adam and called him to visit me because I didn't want to stay home alone. You ended up joining and we told you our secrets. Jason and Lily are back." She said happily "Also we started dating." She said happily.

"You don't remember anyone else?" I asked

She looked deep in thought. "Mmm our parents and my dad abusing me." She replied.

"Anyone else?" I asked again.

"No, why should I?" she asked, I slowly nodded.

OOOOOO

OOOOOO

OOOOOO

OOOOOO

I flipped through the TV channels and seen a commercial for some movie. The kid in there reminded me a little of KC, his name was Justin Bieber, and based on his singing in the commercial he's not very good.

I feel bad not being able to remember anything. I looked over to K.C. and focused my attention on his appearance, he was tall, had hair like Justin Bieber which makes me wonder if he was one of those "belieber" things, he dressed a little like him too. I looked back to Eli.

"Are you sure KC's my ex I don't really like Justin Bieber so why would I date a belieber?" I asked Eli laughed

"I don't even like Justin Beaver" K.C said angrily.

"I'm sorry I just don't believe we dated." I stated honestly.

"Oh my God, you're awake." Some blond pregnant girl said before hugging me tightly leaving me to wonder where the nurses are.

I sat there shocked as she hugged me. I couldn't even move. Finally the answer to my prayers walked in.

"Ah Ms. Edwards, you're finally awake." A nurse said, I just smiled at her.

"How are you feeling?" She asked

"I feel perfectly fine." I replied back

"I'll just need to take some blood."

My facial expression fell and I looked over to Eli.

"It's going to be ok. I'm here." he cooed as he took my hand. "Squeeze if you need to."

I nodded as I tightened my grip on his hand. I looked at my other hand where the nurse was preparing to draw blood from and seen a red bracelet, I turned towards Eli as I felt her wipe off my arm with an alcohol wipe, I leaned my head into him and squeezed his hand a little more. Eli rubbed my head and I whimpered a little when I felt her tie the elastic around my arm. Eli kissed my head shortly after and I flinched a little when I felt the needled being forced into my arm.

"It's ok." Eli whispered

"Kiss me." I said

Eli looked down at me, his face was full of shock and confusion so I kissed him. Our mouths moved together and I relaxed my grip on his hand as the nurse continued to take blood. I pulled away from Eli when I started to feel light headed and laid down.

"I only have two vials left to fill." The nurse stated

"You've taken enough she doesn't look too good!" The pregnant blond shot back defensively when Eli was about to open his mouth.

"One left." The nurse said

"It's going to be ok Clare. I'm not going to let anything happen to you." Eli said as he moved the bangs out of my eyes, I nodded feeling a churning sensation in my stomach.

"I don't feel good." I stated looking at Eli.

"It's ok the nurse is putting a band aid on you." Eli said

I looked to the nurse and threw up all over the nurse. I could hear Eli snicker. I felt bad, but I couldn't help it.

"I'm sorry." I stated

"I'm used to it." She said, I nodded and laid back again shutting my eyes.

"Clare please don't go to sleep again." Eli said sadly.

"I'm not sleeping Eli, I'll even brush the back of your hand with my thumb." I stated as I started to rub the back of his hand.

"We're going to leave you two go." KC said

"I'm sorry I don't remember you K.C" I said apologetically.

"Do you remember me?" The pregnant blonde asked, I knew it was her because she's the only other female in the room.

"I'm sorry." I said

"I'm Jenna, does that ring a bell."

"No it doesn't."

She nodded and walked away with KC. I turned back to Eli and opened my eyes.

"I wish I could get my memories back." I said

"Me too." Eli said as he kissed my forehead.

"Are you hungry?" He asked.

"A little." I admitted

"Stay here I'll be right back."

I nodded and Eli kissed me before he left, I watched him walk out, he was wearing pajamas and Converse which made me giggle a little. After Eli walked out the door I sighed heavily and flipped through channels. I ended up stopping at a movie called "Knowing" it said thriller, but it sounded good.

It was pretty interesting, I jumped a few times in the beginning and clung to the blanket I was wrapped up in. The little boy Kaleb in the movie walked to his window and it showed animals running and flying out of the woods most of them on fire. I was too involved in the movie to see Eli walk past me, but once I felt him sit on the bed I screamed.

"Sorry I scared you." Eli said as I nodded.

Eli placed food on one of the hospital tables and moved it in front of us as we both watched it. He set a bowel of hot soup and a Sprite in front of me. I ate it not taking my eyes off the TV.

"What's this about?" Eli asked

"See all those people in the subway? The ones that are on the train are going to die in some way." I stated Eli nodded and it showed a train derailing off the track.

"How did that guy know?" Eli asked

"Some paper, he's the only one that knows." I said as we both watched the movie. The movie was getting pretty intense and I could feel Eli getting enticed by it just like I was. We both jumped a few times during the show as well as yelled at the TV. When we noticed we were both yelling at the TV we looked at each other with a smile. Eli took my hand and enlaced my fingers.

"Whoa" we said instantly at part of the ending. The movie was really good.

"Why the soup?" I asked as I laid down looking at the clock sad that Adam, Alli, and Lily didn't stop by, but realized I must have been asleep when they did.

"Well you emptied your stomach all over the nurse and I didn't want to feed you something that could make you throw up again." Eli said causing me to blush. I nodded lightly and drank some of my Sprite.

"Do we have tooth brushes and tooth paste here?" I asked

"Yea Lily packed yours for when you wake up." Eli said

"I'm going to brush my teeth."

I uncovered my legs which had ugly scars all over them to match my arm now.

"Clare, let me help you." Eli said as he immediately jumped out of the bed.

"I'm ok I can get it." I said as I held the back of my gown closed

"You can't walk." Eli explained

I looked at him in shock and disbelief. "Of course I can."

I swung my legs over the side of the bed and Eli was there to help me. I guess he realized that I was determined to prove him wrong.

"Last time you woke up you couldn't feel your legs." Eli said

"I don't remember not being able to feel my legs." I said "I remember waking up after a night's sleep and talking to you about my dad and school it was about 1am. We talked a lot and I remember how you got the red bracelet by threatening your life." I stated as Eli nodded.

I looked around the room fully as I sat on the bed, which was something I haven't done yet there were tons of flowers and stuffed animals. I stood up out of bed as almost fell, but Eli caught me.

"Should I get a wheel chair?" he asked as he helped me up

"Eli I hate those things." I stated triumphantly determined to get on my feet again. I started to stand as I leaned on Eli and went to take a step my knees started to throb in pain causing me to squeeze Eli really hard.

"Clare come here." Eli said as he started to move behind me.

"What are you doing?"

"Carrying you, you've had a death grip on my arms." He explained

"My knees just hurt really bad, like a thousand knives going through them. I just have to deal with the pain." I said as Eli tried to pick me up again. I of course didn't let him.

"Clare, you have pins in your legs you might cause them to break or something you need to take it easy I don't want anything happening to you." Eli explained causing me to sigh in defeat.

Eli picked me up bridal style and carried be to the bathroom. He set me down and held my waist.

"Eli you can move your hands." I giggled

"I don't want you to fall."

"Eli, I'll be fine."

Eli removed his hands and stepped back, sure enough I stood on my own. Eli didn't leave, but instead brushed his teeth along side me as smiled at him as I brushed mine. When we both finished brushing our teeth I had to go to the bathroom so I kicked him out bathroom. Eli said that he be waiting out side if I needed him. I made it to the toilet ok and then back to the sink when I was finished.

"Eli, I need help." I said sadly I was always able to do things on my own I hated having to depend on someone to help me. I felt tears rolling down my face as Eli entered the bathroom.

"What's wrong?" he asked as he pulled me into a hug.

"I hate having to depend on you for stuff that I should be able to do on my own." I explained

"It'll be ok, I'm here and you'll be back to normal soon." he said

"How long with I be able to live with you, Bullfrog, and CeCe?" I asked as I pulled away so Eli can carry me, his facial expression looked shocked, but softened as he looked into my eyes.

"As long as you want." Eli said as he picked me up and kissed me. I smiled happily at him as he walked and put me on the bed. He joined me, I laid my head on his chest listening to his heart beat and he played with my hair. I dozed off shortly later.

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**Please Review.**


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